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  1. Posted: April 17, 2018In: Thriller

    After crime rate falls to zero, a lonely detective turns into a serial killer to challenge his fellow detectives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 18, 2018 at 1:28 am

    ashes123:Whether the detective has a motive? was not my point.? ?My point was to wonder whether there is a movie audience for story about a man who literally goes from "good cop"? to "bad cop", who intentionally kills innocent people, violating not only the law but every socially acceptable norm. AnRead more

    ashes123:

    Whether the detective has a motive? was not my point.? ?My point was to wonder whether there is a movie audience for story about a man who literally goes from “good cop”? to “bad cop”, who intentionally kills innocent people, violating not only the law but every socially acceptable norm. And for no redeeming purpose.

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  2. Posted: April 17, 2018In: Thriller

    After crime rate falls to zero, a lonely detective turns into a serial killer to challenge his fellow detectives.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 17, 2018 at 7:55 am

    CraigDGriffiths revision is an improvement.But... is there a movie audience for an unsympathetic character who goes around killing innocent people out of boredom?I dunno.

    CraigDGriffiths revision is an improvement.

    But… is there a movie audience for an unsympathetic character who goes around killing innocent people out of boredom?

    I dunno.

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  3. Posted: April 16, 2018In: Examples

    In a world where humans are cloned to harvest their organs until they die, one clone struggles to postpone his fate.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 17, 2018 at 7:38 am

    >>>Is there also a way to incorporate their relationship?Good question.? Maybe something like:A female clone struggles to win the heart of a cloned boy before time runs out and they must fulfill the reason they exist: to be harvested for their organs until they die.The problem is:1] It's moRead more

    >>>Is there also a way to incorporate their relationship?

    Good question.? Maybe something like:

    A female clone struggles to win the heart of a cloned boy before time runs out and they must fulfill the reason they exist: to be harvested for their organs until they die.

    The problem is:

    1] It’s more than 50% longer — 33 words versus 21.? (Can you do one under 30 words?)
    2] The romantic problem is not the story hook.? It’s problem that happens all the time in real life — and in reel life.?The story hook is their existential problem, their unavoidable destiny, the reason they exist at all.
    3] A logline should lead with the story hook — not bury it in the middle or tag it to the end.

    Granted once I got into the story, the romantic problem was the more interesting aspect of the story.? ?But a logline is a sales pitch that should feature the most appealing feature to get people to read the script.? And the feature that hooks people into reading? the script may not necessarily be the same feature that keeps them hooked once they start reading.

    The story hook in the logline is the existential problem.? The story hook in the script is the romantic problem.

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