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To save her relationship, a woman must finally confront her Father who sexually abused her for years.
At 29 words, the logline is over the ideal maximum of 25 words, but the length would be acceptable if the logline clearly conveyed to a moviemaker exactly what the plot is.? Unfortunately, it does not.Stripped down to? its core the story seems to be:?"After a woman finds true love, she must confrontRead more
At 29 words, the logline is over the ideal maximum of 25 words, but the length would be acceptable if the logline clearly conveyed to a moviemaker exactly what the plot is.? Unfortunately, it does not.
Stripped down to? its core the story seems to be:?”After a woman finds true love, she must confront her dark past.”? (12 words)
The first element that needs to be modified is “true love”.? ? Loglines are about the pursuit of an objective goal.? Movies are a visual medium and every element of a logline should have a visual.? What’s the visual for “true love”?
“True love” is not an object — it is an experience.? ?On the other hand, a man or woman is an object for the purposes of film — it’s an element that can be visualized.? So a logline?should describe the character who embodies, who is the source of her emotional experience,? the person who is the object of her affection.
The second element that needs work is “dark past”.? ?That is vague: it? is devoid of the information? movie makers want to know before deciding to read a script.? The number of “dark pasts” is infinite.? Logline readers don’t want to guess, they want to know exactly what that dark past is.? And? they want to know what there is about it that makes it an obstacle to true love.
And what’s the story hook?? What differentiates this story from all the others about people who need to overcome some ghost from their past in order to achieve an objective goal.
fwiw
See lessIn a world where humans are cloned to harvest their organs until they die, one clone struggles to postpone his fate.
variable:Yes, the story is told from Kathy's POV.But, for reasons I explained in my comment, I elected to frame the logline around Tommy because he is the only character who proactively struggles against his fate.? Kathy doesn't.? Neither does Ruth, her rival for Tommy's affection.And were the scripRead more
variable:
Yes, the story is told from Kathy’s POV.
But, for reasons I explained in my comment, I elected to frame the logline around Tommy because he is the only character who proactively struggles against his fate.? Kathy doesn’t.? Neither does Ruth, her rival for Tommy’s affection.
And were the script an original? spec script, not an adaptation,? I am certain the writer would have gotten notes demanding that the story line be reworked so that? the protagonist fights to escape his fate — not merely postpone it.? So don’t try this at home!
It took some creative courage to be faithful to the story arc of the book.? And, of course, the movie was not a box-office hit.? But having read the book, I think the movie is a moving adaptation.? As with just about any adaptation, it? can’t be faithful to every story beat in the novel, but it is utterly faithful to the emotional truth.
See lessAn opinionated former cult-member must convince his equally-opinionated family to leave the same cult before they commit the ultimate sacrifice – themselves. TITLE: Born to Die
>>>Can he be a member tooI think this would be an interesting choice, if:1] The protagonist is in a subordinate position within the pecking order of the cult hierarchy.? (Cults are very hierarchical.)? Like? if he is a son in the family he's trying to rescue because, per the 5th commandmentRead more
>>>Can he be a member too
I think this would be an interesting choice, if:
1] The protagonist is in a subordinate position within the pecking order of the cult hierarchy.? (Cults are very hierarchical.)? Like? if he is a son in the family he’s trying to rescue because, per the 5th commandment, children are supposed to “honor” (Translation:? “Don’t argue, do as your told.”)
2] Even better make the protagonist the daughter in the family.? Which places her even lower down in the pecking order, essentially powerless because not only is she under the proscription of the 5th commandment, but cults are also patriarchal regimes where women are supposed to keep silent and submit to the authority of men (1 Timothy 2:11-12).? (Translation:? “Who? asked your opinion?? Shut the f**k up and do as you’re told!”)
So she’s not just persuading — she’s rebelling.? Which amplifies? tension and conflict.
But if you want to keep the protagonist in the role of an ex-cult member, then as a female she would have an even harder task because of the fact that women don’t get no respect.
fwiw
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