1. Posted: April 8, 2018In:

    Tag: ?It is said that a mind is a terrible thing to waste? For some, it is also a very terrifying thing to lose?? Logline: Wrongfully incarcerated, an innocent gay male must rely on his feminine nature to survive as he struggles to maintain his sanity against the uncertainty of unpredictable cellmates and the jailhouse mentality that threatens to break him.

    dpg Singularity

    Tracy_J:Based upon my reading of this version and the earlier version posted in 2013, this is my provisional take:A sensitive Black gay man struggles to survive physically and psychologically while serving jail time for a crime he didn't commit. (21 words)I'm guessing that in the context of the storRead more

    Tracy_J:

    Based upon my reading of this version and the earlier version posted in 2013, this is my provisional take:

    A sensitive Black gay man struggles to survive physically and psychologically while serving jail time for a crime he didn’t commit.
    (21 words)

    I’m guessing that in the context of the story, everyone else will perceive him as effeminate, a sissy, weak, an easy target for abuse (verbal, physical, sexual).? So? his subjective arc is that he must turn that perceived weakness into an acknowledged and? at least grudgingly respected strength.? ?Acknowledged and respected not only by his fellow prisoners and? the jailers- – but? more importantly by himself.? And at the same time he must develop a resilient inner core and project externally to others of a a confidently assertive persona.? By assertive I don’t mean? he must become aggressive or at least able to fake a kick-ass attitude.? I mean? quietly but firmly assertive;? he must? strike a functional balance, that incorporates the best of both his feminine and masculine sides.

    And I, for one, would find that a compelling metamorphosis to watch as the plot unfolds.? Particularly the psychological dilemma it entails.

    But here’s the rub.? Loglines are not supposed to be about the subjective character arc.? They are supposed to focus on the? physical struggle toward an objective goal.? In his case, his objective goal is to survive long enough to emerge alive.? Unfortunately, the objective action line does not do justice what I’m guessing is the primary aspect of his predicament? you wish to explore.

    I’ll have to think about this some more.? ?Sorry, I can’t offer anything particularly useful at the moment.? Best wishes with this project.

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  2. Posted: April 8, 2018In:

    Two women who had enough have to run from police when are involved in a killing incident. – Thelma and Louise

    dpg Singularity

    My take:After a woman kills a man trying to rape her friend, a carefree weekend turns into a crime spree as the women race against the cops to the Mexican border. (30 words)Notes: ".... carefree weekend turns into a crime spree" highlights the ironic reversal of their original intention. "they" -- bRead more

    My take:

    After a woman kills a man trying to rape her friend, a carefree weekend turns into a crime spree as the women race against the cops to the Mexican border.
    (30 words)

    Notes:
    “…. carefree weekend turns into a crime spree” highlights the ironic reversal of their original intention.
    “they” — because the story has dual protagonists.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: April 8, 2018In:

    A female vampire tracks a serial killer before he strikes again, pursued by both a police woman, vampire hunters and a victim from a hundred years ago bent on vengeance. As the net closes she must both face her past and save a young woman targeted as his next victim.

    dpg Singularity

    The logline needs an inciting incident to explain why she has chosen to hunt down that particular serial killer.I also suggest you rethink, expand the concept.? To wit,? she's not just tracking down a specific killer, she has made a career, a calling out of? tracking down serial killers, particularlRead more

    The logline needs an inciting incident to explain why she has chosen to hunt down that particular serial killer.

    I also suggest you rethink, expand the concept.? To wit,? she’s not just tracking down a specific killer, she has made a career, a calling out of? tracking down serial killers, particularly cold cases.

    A female vampire who tracks down serial killers? — that’s your hook.? I suggest it could be a hook for a series, not just a feature film.? Each episode (or season) she pursues.? a different killer. (Of course there can be ghosts from the past to complicate her quest.)

    fwiw

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