1. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    When the bus of an addicted fantasy gamer stops at a Utopian town, he will do anything to remain there, whilst resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle.

    dpg Singularity

    As Richiev said.Shouldn't he be obsessed, be totally immersed in an utopian town in a fantasy game world?? Otherwise, what's the point of his addiction?

    As Richiev said.

    Shouldn’t he be obsessed, be totally immersed in an utopian town in a fantasy game world?? Otherwise, what’s the point of his addiction?

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  2. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    When he meets his holiday romance at the same hotel from 20 years ago, a broke Greek waiter must help organize her wedding to one of the most wealthy and prominent men in the country. (For the YouTube livestream)

    dpg Singularity

    >>> while secretly trying to break them up.?My concern is that it focuses on the negative side of what must surely be his positive intent.? ?Yes, he has to break them up but that's only 1/2 the job.? He could break them up? and still fail to win her heart.His ultimate objective goal is to wRead more

    >>> while secretly trying to break them up.?

    My concern is that it focuses on the negative side of what must surely be his positive intent.? ?Yes, he has to break them up but that’s only 1/2 the job.? He could break them up? and still fail to win her heart.

    His ultimate objective goal is to win her heart.? So I suggest the logline should be framed positively, in terms of his end game, his ultimate goal.

    Further, I don’t think the rival? needs to be described in? negative terms like “conceited”.? It facilely sets him up as? a dramatic foil.

    He could be a perfectly decent guy — but it’s just not a match.? ?There’s no personal chemistry between them. (As there still is after all these years between her and the waiter.)? It may be a marriage of material convenience for her.? She’s the one with the character flaw:? she’s settling for security instead of? daring to risk all for love? (which is why she turned down the poor waiter the first time).

    I suggest this is a more mature story line, an emotionally seasoned one that would appeal to the obvious target audience. (By obvious, I mean the passage of time, 20 years, places the characters in the 40+ age group.)? ?An audience that has lived and loved long enough to have faced such a predicament or know of friends or family who have.? They can connect and empathize with the dilemma faced by both of the principal characters.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    After an accident a young boy begins to hear his cat talking to him – telling him to kill.

    dpg Singularity

    And then what?The logline sets up a situation for a plot but it needs to follow through with a concise statement of a complete plot.What does he do about the cat's voice?? What becomes his objective goal, for better or worse?

    And then what?

    The logline sets up a situation for a plot but it needs to follow through with a concise statement of a complete plot.

    What does he do about the cat’s voice?? What becomes his objective goal, for better or worse?

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