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  1. Posted: April 2, 2018In: Drama

    I hate to ask but…

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 3, 2018 at 2:05 am

    I think there is a potentially compelling story here.What if the film opens with the ill sister getting the grim diagnosis.? And after she asks her family for a donation that matches, someone fesses up that she's adopted.? Which triggers the need to go on the quest.? IOW: the diagnosis is the root oRead more

    I think there is a potentially compelling story here.

    What if the film opens with the ill sister getting the grim diagnosis.? And after she asks her family for a donation that matches, someone fesses up that she’s adopted.? Which triggers the need to go on the quest.? IOW: the diagnosis is the root of the action.? And the discovery she’s adopted is the cause? (trigger) of the action — the plot.

    So maybe something like:
    After a young woman in desperate need of a bone transplant discovers her family can’t donate because she was adopted, she must find a biological relative who can.
    (28 words)

    Another thing: It seems to me that one who needs the match is the more powerfully motivated of the two, hence, the story’s protagonist.? ?The other sister is in a supporting role as an ally — but not necessary to mention in the logline.

    Further, why does the other sister have to also be adopted?? Why can’t she be a natural born member of the family who has bonded with her adopted sister and (unlike anyone else in the family) and, therefore,? is willing to help?? Contrasting characters on a road trip/quest make for more interesting dialogue and action moments than similar ones.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 30, 2018In: Comedy

    After learning about their spouse’s college fling, two unhappily married lovers plot their reunion only to encounter hopeless loyalty

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 31, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    Re: >>> ... attempt to make their unwaveringly loyal spouses fall in love with each other?I think Richiev's version is good enough.? "Unwavering" is what is? discovered as a consequence of trying to match them up with others.How do you know that someone is "unwavering" about anything?? YouRead more

    Re:
    >>> … attempt to make their unwaveringly loyal spouses fall in love with each other?

    I think Richiev’s version is good enough.? “Unwavering” is what is? discovered as a consequence of trying to match them up with others.

    How do you know that someone is “unwavering” about anything?? You know only because you challenge them, tempt them, test their commitment.? You can’t say someone is unwavering until their position or relationship is put to the test.? And that test doesn’t occur until Act 2.? But a logline is about the knowledge the protagonists act upon in the 1st Act, not what they come to realize by Act 3.

    If they knew that their spouses were “unwavering” in Act 1, they would have never tried their scheme.? They try their scheme because they don’t know, because they have (flimsy or fanciful) grounds to believe they can pull it off.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: March 30, 2018In: Adventure

    waking up dead to realize his victims now hunting for him, a bounty hunter must work with the only guy grateful-to-be-dead, in order to reach NIRVANA INC. (also possible title)

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 31, 2018 at 7:30 am

    >>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??What if he's a serial murderer?Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)

    >>>and after I remove ?bounty? from the logline it falls apart, since why would anyone root for this hunter character, with so many victims??

    What if he’s a serial murderer?

    Or a serial rapist?? IAnd all the victims seeking revenge are women.)

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