“her familiar” = her family?

It seems to me that her role is better framed as “A young, untested warrior must lead her family across a desert wasteland to escape a violent bandit gang.”

However, the logline still lacks an inciting incident.? To wit, why is it her job to lead the family or clan?? What happened to all the elders, the seasoned warriors who would provide the leadership in the crisis?? Why has the task fallen upon her shoulders?

Also why would a bunch of bandits pursue them?? When obviously the loot the bandits covet would have been left behind.? ?As a matter of sheer survival the group would have to travel as light, as unencumbered, as possible.? The loot is what the bandits really want, isn’t it?

CraigDGriffiths:

I have given a lot of thought to what you said.? Though one of my (innumerable) character flaws is that I post emphatic assertions, I actually do believe that no rule is chiseled in immutable stone, that every rule has exceptions.

And I came up with a few films where the best strategy might be to give away the Big Reveal in the logline. But the question for me is how to do that with out falling into the so, so, so overused “Only to find out” cliche. without writing a logline that focuses? on what happens at the end of Act 2 rather focusing on the story that begins to unfold at the beginning of Act 2 (that will culminate in the Big Reveal).? For that is the primary purpose of a logline, to describe the jumping off point for a course of action undertaken by a protagonist as a result an inciting incident — but not give away the destination or the Big Reveal, the Big Reversal, the Big Dilemma the action builds to.

One movie that I think warrants an exception to the general rule is “The Crying Game” (1992).? ?My provisional? logline for that film is: “A British soldier kidnapped by IRA terrorists falls in love with the girlfriend of one of his captors, unaware that she is a he – – a transvestite.”?

This “Big Reveal” is the story hook, a unique one and a logline must be about that relationship. However, my logline? lays out the story in terms of what happens early in Act 2? (falls in love with unaware) rather than in terms of? “only to find out” at the end of Act 2.? ?IOW:? it’s a matter of framing.? My logline focuses on the initial situation? — not the eventual reveal.? The reveal is implied without being stated — every movie maker knows the story must build to the moment of the Big Reveal about the “woman” he has fallen in love with.

Now then. In contrast to “The Crying Game, the Big Reveal? in this logline (she’s being betrayed by her most trusted friend) is hardly unique, a new story twist.? Betrayal by a trusted friend or ally? happens all the time in film.? It’s a standard issue plot gimmick. Because it is standard issue, I don’t think it merits consideration as a story hook, a strong selling point for the script.? The script needs something else that makes it unique, different, a fresh take.

To summarize my pov:? Using the Big Reveal as the story hook may be the best strategy if and only if it is something unique or something very rarely done in the entire history of cinema.? And even then the logline should not be framed in terms of what is discovered late in the story (“Only to find out”) but rather in terms of what the protagonist is unaware of in the 1st Act.? Tipping off the Big Reveal should be done implicitly.?

And it should be the exception to the rule, not the rule.