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After discovering his sister, presumed dead, is alive, a soldier must betray his father, the general, to save her.
I suggest that the logline needs to include the subtext.? That it is a war between human and elves is not incidental.Also, why must he save her life?? Why is her life in jeopardy?? Who/what has placed her in mortal danger? And is she presumed dead as a casualty of the war - she's an MIA?? ?Or is herRead more
I suggest that the logline needs to include the subtext.? That it is a war between human and elves is not incidental.
Also, why must he save her life?? Why is her life in jeopardy?? Who/what has placed her in mortal danger? And is she presumed dead as a casualty of the war – she’s an MIA?? ?Or is her presumed demise precede the war?
See lessAfter refusing to do a job, a contract is put out on him where he must decide between his survival and the life of his target.
>>>making him decide between his survival and the life of his targetLoglines are not about a decision a protagonist has to make.? Loglines are about the action that follows as a result of the decision he makes.It seems to me that the story you might wish to tell is something like:? ?When aRead more
>>>making him decide between his survival and the life of his target
Loglines are not about a decision a protagonist has to make.? Loglines are about the action that follows as a result of the decision he makes.
It seems to me that the story you might wish to tell is something like:? ?When a hit man refuses to kill an innocent man, a contract is put out on his own. Now he must save himself and the innocent man.?
?(He is going to rise to the occasion and save the innocent man, too, isn’t he?? The man is innocent, isn’t he — that’s why he refused?? Or is the target a woman?)
See lessAn OCD-afflicted photog wins over an energetic creative through her awkward yet relentless affection, but as their relationship develops, it becomes too much.
>>>it becomes too much.Too much for whom?? The OCD character or the normal one?? And too much in what way?The logline sort of tips it's hand about the crisis that arises in the 2nd half of the plot.? But's that a predictable outcome. It goes without saying that an? Odd Couple relationship gRead more
>>>it becomes too much.
Too much for whom?? The OCD character or the normal one?? And too much in what way?
The logline sort of tips it’s hand about the crisis that arises in the 2nd half of the plot.? But’s that a predictable outcome. It goes without saying that an? Odd Couple relationship generates conflict that builds to a crisis — so it need not be said in the logline.
The premise of the logline will inevitably be compared to “As Good As It Gets” which had Oscar winning roles.? But notice that the screenwriter James Brooks triangulated the relationships of the protagonist, Melvin Udall:? there was the girl he likes –but can’t get juxtaposed with the gay artist and his dog whom he loathes — and has to take care off after the artist is brutally assaulted.? Rather than a story line that focuses on the conflicts created by OCD with the romantic interest, Brooks leveraged the disorder to create conflict with everyone Melvin meets.
And that’s the way it should be in this story.? The character’s OCD should create problems everywhere he turns with everyone he interacts. (Because that’s the way it is in real life;? OCD people are high maintenance.)? It should threaten to defeat his struggle to succeed professionally, to accomplish some overarching objective goal.? (What is? his objective goal, anyway?)
fwiw
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