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A sassy young city girl struggles to heal a rift between her mother and estranged grandfather by collecting seaglass for his latest art project.
>>>Really low stakes, I know :^)I beg to differ.? If you look closely, I think you'll see that in most movies, the protagonist can only achieve her objective goal by first building a new relationship based on mutual love and respect with a love interest or ally.? Or repair an old one that wRead more
>>>Really low stakes, I know :^)
I beg to differ.? If you look closely, I think you’ll see that in most movies, the protagonist can only achieve her objective goal by first building a new relationship based on mutual love and respect with a love interest or ally.? Or repair an old one that was destroyed by misunderstanding and selfishness.
Within the context of her family,? her situation, building an emotional bridge to her grandfather is everything.? After all, she doesn’t have a father around, right?? And she’s not getting along with her mother, right?? The grandfather is her only hope of finding a grownup who will provide her with the kind of adult love and attention she desperately needs (whether she realizes it or not).
See lessA Huberistic only child and self proclaimed daddy’s girl, sets out to find answers about her fathers suicide from the woman who stole her ex fiance. With nothing to lose but time and her sanity, she must do whatever it takes to save her family’s name and fathers barbershop from foreclosure.
A suicide is an emotional catastrophe for the surviving family.? I know because my father blew his brains out when I was 18.But I don't get any sense of the emotional catastrophe for the protagonist in the logline.? Rather, she's describe as a daddy's girl full of hubris -- as if there have been noRead more
A suicide is an emotional catastrophe for the surviving family.? I know because my father blew his brains out when I was 18.
But I don’t get any sense of the emotional catastrophe for the protagonist in the logline.? Rather, she’s describe as a daddy’s girl full of hubris — as if there have been no emotional wounds inflicted on her by the inciting incident (his suicide).
Further, my father’s suicide threw us out of our comfy middle class life. You can’t collect life insurance on a suicide so my mother had to declare bankruptcy.? She was thrown out of the house, reduced to poverty. And all of us kids had to make our own way in the world.
My point, lavender81, is that you have a lot of raw ore to work with, but I think you need to dig deeper into your premise to find it and incorporate it in the logline and script.
Like the logline should describe a daughter who is emotionally devastated about her father’s death.? And I suggest the stakes have to be bigger and more personal than just the loss of his barbershop.? She and everyone else in the family face financial ruin, the loss of their home, poverty because her mother (or his estate if she isn’t alive, take your pick) can’t collect on his life insurance.? And the prospect of poverty is compounded by the fact that her relatives are shunning her, offering no help beyond? pious words of consolation at the funeral.
As I said, I think your idea is sitting on top of a rich vein of drama.? You just need to dig deeper to find and refine it.
fwiw
See lessWhen an idealistic boy tired of bullying establishes a secret club of victims to impart justice, some members of the group begin to turn into very dangerous bullies.
Good premise.? But the logline contains a spoiler, the Big Ironic Reversal (the bullied turn into bullies) that happens in the 2nd 1/2 of the story.? It's a good reversal for the script proper but not an event to include in a logline. A logline is about a protagonist's intentional?choice of an objecRead more
Good premise.? But the logline contains a spoiler, the Big Ironic Reversal (the bullied turn into bullies) that happens in the 2nd 1/2 of the story.? It’s a good reversal for the script proper but not an event to include in a logline.
A logline is about a protagonist’s intentional?choice of an objective goal to solve a problem — not about the unintended?problems that follow as a consequence.
fwiw
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