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A Huberistic only child and self proclaimed daddy’s girl, sets out to find answers about her fathers suicide from the woman who stole her ex fiance. With nothing to lose but time and her sanity, she must do whatever it takes to save her family’s name and fathers barbershop from foreclosure.
>>would you suggest I take out the part about the suicide totally? Depends.? What's your story hook -- the most interesting part of the story, the most likely element to grab attention?? A barbershop in the verge of foreclosure? A father dying under mysterious circumstances.? (Was it suicide oRead more
>>would you suggest I take out the part about the suicide totally?
Depends.? What’s your story hook — the most interesting part of the story, the most likely element to grab attention?? A barbershop in the verge of foreclosure? A father dying under mysterious circumstances.? (Was it suicide or….? )
What if the daughter finds out the answers to the suicide –? but loses the barbershop anyway?? Is that enough? (How solving the suicide will save the barbershop isn’t obvious to me, but I assume you’ve got that mapped out.)
What if she saves the barbershop — but never gets the answers to the suicide? Can she live with that?
What is really the most important thing she MUST accomplish, must find out or do?? Or else.
See lessA Huberistic only child and self proclaimed daddy’s girl, sets out to find answers about her fathers suicide from the woman who stole her ex fiance. With nothing to lose but time and her sanity, she must do whatever it takes to save her family’s name and fathers barbershop from foreclosure.
At 51 words, the logline is w-a-y too long.? If you haven't already done so, please review the guidelines under "Start Here" at the top of the web page. One specific issue the logline needs to remedy is the protagonist's objective goal: there are too many; there should be only one.? I'm guessing theRead more
At 51 words, the logline is w-a-y too long.? If you haven’t already done so, please review the guidelines under “Start Here” at the top of the web page.
One specific issue the logline needs to remedy is the protagonist’s objective goal: there are too many; there should be only one.? I’m guessing the goal “spine” on which everything else hangs is the need to rescue the barbershop from impending foreclosure. So that’s her objective goal. Finding answers to her father’s suicide is need-to-know information to achieve her objective goal.? It’s dramatic fodder for the script, but not necessary to include in the logline.
See lessWhen a greedy bounty hunter fails to capture a regicide and is falsely accused of being her ally, the two must work together to fight outlaws and retrieve sacred relics to earn a wish and clear their names.
Libari: After mulling over your concept for a while longer, I remain as confused and uncertain as ever. A story where the hunter becomes the hunted is a good ironic reversal of fortune and launch pad for an adventure story, whether in the real world or the fantastical. But I can't understand why theRead more
Libari:
After mulling over your concept for a while longer, I remain as confused and uncertain as ever.
A story where the hunter becomes the hunted is a good ironic reversal of fortune and launch pad for an adventure story, whether in the real world or the fantastical.
But I can’t understand why the bounty hunter would want to hook up with the very person who got him into trouble.? I don’t see how the girl can “clear her name” when, in fact,? she killed the king.? She’s guilty as charged. I don’t see how the jury of the movie audience is going to return a “not guilty” verdict by reason of magic.? I don’t see how they are going to accept that kind of unearned happy ending.
And that’s my 2.5 cents worth.? I don’t have any other ideas to contribute.
regards, best wishes.
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