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A lat-night diner waitress bites off more than she can chew when she tries role-playing with two estranged brothers.
>>>bites off more than she can chew when she tries role-playing'How so exactly?? What? does that mean?? ?A logline should tell -- not tease? about--? the specific nature of the plot problem.What is the inciting incident that causes her to get involved with the brothers?And what must she doRead more
>>>bites off more than she can chew when she tries role-playing’
How so exactly?? What? does that mean?? ?A logline should tell — not tease? about–? the specific nature of the plot problem.
What is the inciting incident that causes her to get involved with the brothers?
And what must she do after she gets involved — what becomes? her objective goal?
And what are the stakes, what are the consequences?? What will she lose or suffer if she fails?? What should we be rooting for her to gain by succeeding?? (IOW: what should an audience care what happens to her or the brothers?? Why should / how will they get emotionally involved in the plot predicament, whatever it is?)
Please check out “Our Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on formulating an industry acceptable logline.
See lessAfter he spoils a shipment of drugs, newly-wed Jim must pay back the value in full after the drug’s owners kidnap his brother-in-law.
>>After he spoils a shipment of drugsSpoils?? Like how?? Did he lose them?? Did he destroy them?? Are the drugs illicit?>> newly-wedSeems irrelevant to the plot.? Because the words must be few, every word in a logline has to count, to be obviously relevant to the plot.>>JimAs a rulRead more
>>After he spoils a shipment of drugs
Spoils?? Like how?? Did he lose them?? Did he destroy them?? Are the drugs illicit?
>> newly-wed
Seems irrelevant to the plot.? Because the words must be few, every word in a logline has to count, to be obviously relevant to the plot.
>>Jim
As a rule, proper names should not be used in fictional plots. More important than the character’s name in this instance is his character flaw; that is, what there is about him that got him into this fine mess and threatens to defeat his efforts to obtain the release of his brother-in-law.? What we want to know is not his name but his weakness,, his vulnerability.
>>> must pay back the value in full after the drug?s owners kidnap his brother-in-law.
Needs a ticking clock, a deadline to amp up tension, urgency.
Not sure if he was in cahoots with the bad guys and just screwed up or if he’s a totally innocent guy at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. If the former, why should the audience root for him?? If the latter, then, again, what is the character flaw that got him into the plot predicament?
fwiw
See lessWhen an assassin whose memories are erased after every hit falls in love with his latest target, he must find who wants her dead to get the contract cancelled, but doing so will trigger his next memory reboot.
Good dramatic dilemma, but... >>>he must take down his employers to prevent his next reboot. Uh,? what about saving the the woman he's fallen in love with? >> but he can?t get it cancelled as that would also perform a reboot So he's not in control of his own mind?? The Big Bad Corp haRead more
Good dramatic dilemma, but…
>>>he must take down his employers to prevent his next reboot.
Uh,? what about saving the the woman he’s fallen in love with?
>> but he can?t get it cancelled as that would also perform a reboot
So he’s not in control of his own mind?? The Big Bad Corp has remote control of it?
And if he does it get it cancelled and his mind is rebooted, then at least he’s saved her life, right?? That’s a worthwhile sacrifice. And not a bad way to resolve his dilemma.
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