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  1. Posted: January 4, 2018In: Thriller

    To counter a growing malevolence, a young woman in 16th century England, must embrace both her growing powers and her destiny to change the course of history.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 5, 2018 at 5:16 am

    >>> chooses to embrace the ancient power of the Wiccan wayHow does that translate into a specific objective goal?>>>to change the course of history.Specifically, how?? By doing what?And as Nir Shelter pointed out, how does the ascension of a new king serve as the inciting incident?Read more

    >>> chooses to embrace the ancient power of the Wiccan way

    How does that translate into a specific objective goal?

    >>>to change the course of history.

    Specifically, how?? By doing what?

    And as Nir Shelter pointed out, how does the ascension of a new king serve as the inciting incident?? How does that trigger her to… well, do whatever she’s gotta do to fulfill? her destiny, whatever that is?

    Alas, the revised logline still deals in generalities on key elements.? It doesn’t provide all information that a movie maker is looking for in a logline,? The? potentially interesting character still seems in search of a plot worthy of her calling (becoming a Wican).

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  2. Posted: January 4, 2018In: Heist

    Upon learning that the bank contains entire life savings of his village elders, a stooge decides to change his ways in the middle of a robbery only to realize it’s not gonna be easy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 5, 2018 at 3:22 am

    Also I suggest the protagonist needs a compelling motive for having participated in the robbery in the first place.? (As in the classic heist-gone-wrong film "Dog Day Afternoon".? The Al Pacino character wants the money so his male lover can undergo a sex change operation.? ?The movie was based on aRead more

    Also I suggest the protagonist needs a compelling motive for having participated in the robbery in the first place.? (As in the classic heist-gone-wrong film “Dog Day Afternoon”.? The Al Pacino character wants the money so his male lover can undergo a sex change operation.? ?The movie was based on an actual bank robbery gone wrong and very conflicted main character, btw.)

    IOW:? create a dilemma between what he wants (money) and what he needs (ethics).

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: December 29, 2017In: Drama

    In a rural town, when a young, na?ve wife of an older, powerful cult leader becomes a secret prostitute, she discovers the town’s and cult’s dirty dark secrets that empower her to create a sex empire.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 5, 2018 at 1:22 am

    In the various iterations, I don't see a motivating inciting incident.? Becoming a prostitute is not a casual decision, certainly not a choice any "naive" woman would obviously, easily make.? What is the event that? pushed her over the edge, induced her to overcame her naivety and become a prostitutRead more

    In the various iterations, I don’t see a motivating inciting incident.?

    Becoming a prostitute is not a casual decision, certainly not a choice any “naive” woman would obviously, easily make.? What is the event that? pushed her over the edge, induced her to overcame her naivety and become a prostitute?

    Also the main character is essentially an anti-hero.? She’s an amoral, opportunistic slut. There is no socially redeemable aspect to her motives, or her methods.? The psychological story hook is sexual voyeurism, not emotional empathy.

    Anti-hero characters are tough to sell.? Not impossible, but tough.? Particularly when this fictional story must compete for attention in the real world where there are so many competing? and far more titillating opportunities for people to indulge their sexual voyeurism.

    Just saying.

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