1. Posted: January 4, 2018In:

    Upon learning that the bank contains entire life savings of his village elders, a stooge decides to change his ways in the middle of a robbery only to realize it’s not gonna be easy.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>a stooge decides to change his ways in the middle of a robberyHow exactly?? What becomes his objective goal as a result?>>>only to realize it?s not gonna be easy.The plot is like a poker game where the ante keeps escalating. where other players keeps raising the stakes so that tRead more

    >>>a stooge decides to change his ways in the middle of a robbery

    How exactly?? What becomes his objective goal as a result?

    >>>only to realize it?s not gonna be easy.

    The plot is like a poker game where the ante keeps escalating. where other players keeps raising the stakes so that the protagonist has to push more and more chips into the pot in order to stay in the game.

    IOW: it goes without saying that the struggle always turns out to be harder than the protagonist initially imagines.? Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a story worth telling or watching.

    So it doesn’t need to be said in a logline.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: January 1, 2018In:

    A soldier returns home desiring to become a professional poker player, believing it’s a safer vocation than army combat, so she thought, until winning a large poker pot from a serial killer. Now she is back in a battle to save lives including her own.

    dpg Singularity

    What's the point of making her a war vet?? Because that implies she got the combat chops to prevail against the serial killer.? This diminishes suspense as to the outcome because the antagonist is going up against her character strengths.? When he should be exploiting her character weaknesses.A plotRead more

    What’s the point of making her a war vet?? Because that implies she got the combat chops to prevail against the serial killer.? This diminishes suspense as to the outcome because the antagonist is going up against her character strengths.? When he should be exploiting her character weaknesses.

    A plot is supposed to be a conspiracy against the protagonist.? But from the git-go, this one seems to be a setup, a conspiracy against the antagonist.? The odds are not in his favor.? It seems to me he’s being played as a woeful foil more than a worthy foe.

    And why does the antagonist have to be a serial killer?? If he must be a serial killer, then he must be one in the context of the poker games.? To wit, poker games are his stalking ground, where? he selects his victims. And this has to be established for the audience in the first Act in order to kick start the suspense.? Something like, over the years, all the winners of the particular poker contest have mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen or heard of again.

    This could be her fate. So why would someone who wants to pursue a “safer vocation” ante up for a game that could get her killed?? Why is she playing poker anyway?

    Wouldn’t it make more sense? if her combat experience has turned her into a risk junkie, someone who craves another fix — the adrenaline pump, the dopamine high, the serotonin release — that comes from dodging another bullet, evading another land mine,figuratively and literally?

    Or if she was a? wounded ex-warrior.? She lost a leg in a landmine, or was? reduced to a paraplegic.? And/or is suffering from PTSD.

    Whatever.? It seems to me that for this story to work there needs to be at least an implied psychological symmetry between the pathology in the antagonist and the character flaw in the protagonist. And I just don’t see it.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: January 2, 2018In:

    When a medieval princess releases an evil spirit that intends to murder her husband, she must find a way to destroy the spirit and save her husband.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I'm inclined to go with something like:Based on an ancient folk tale, when a medieval princess accidentally releases an evil spirit, she must find a way to destroy it before it kills her husband. (28 words)>>> Based on an ancient folk taleThe fact that it's a tale that's endured for centuriRead more

    I’m inclined to go with something like:

    Based on an ancient folk tale, when a medieval princess accidentally releases an evil spirit, she must find a way to destroy it before it kills her husband.
    (28 words)

    >>> Based on an ancient folk tale

    The fact that it’s a tale that’s endured for centuries suggests it has “commercial legs”; if it’s endured all this time, it might be a timeless (and profitable) story worth telling to a contemporary audience.

    >>accidentally

    It was accidental, right?? Or if she intentionally released it, she didn’t know what evil she was unleashing?Whatever, I suggest insert the appropriate adverb to clarify her lack of malevolent intent.

    fwiw

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