1. Posted: December 18, 2017In:

    When an almost broken family buys a mysterious ranch in Utah, their lives are threatened by supernatural events connected to a ?Skinwalker?, a local mythical creature. Past, present, and future come together to solve a mystery that transcends human nature and spans three generations from the late 80?s to 2019.

    dpg Singularity

    I think Richiev has put the finger on one of the ways the logline could be improved.? As it is, the logline is framed around elements of the threat.? I suggest it is better to frame it around what the characters do in response to the threat.? IOW: what becomes the objective goal in response to the tRead more

    I think Richiev has put the finger on one of the ways the logline could be improved.? As it is, the logline is framed around elements of the threat.? I suggest it is better to frame it around what the characters do in response to the threat.? IOW: what becomes the objective goal in response to the threat?

    Another way it could be improved would be to focus on one character in the family as the protagonist.? If you believe your story must have more than one protagonist (say the man and his wife), then I suggest for your consideration this useful article by Karel Segers on “Why You Should Steer Clear of Dual Protagonists” on how to effectively arrange their relationship in the overall story.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: December 8, 2017In:

    A young woman in search of her parents finds herself in a fight for her life when an extraterrestrial warrior believe her to be a legendary weapon created to defend against the invader.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>her real abilities show until she?s older (when the story starts). Okay, that could work if the film story begins with the emergence of her extra-human abilities in puberty. (I have no idea what they are, but I assume you've got that figured out.) I suggest for the purpose of the loglineRead more

    >>>her real abilities show until she?s older (when the story starts).

    Okay, that could work if the film story begins with the emergence of her extra-human abilities in puberty. (I have no idea what they are, but I assume you’ve got that figured out.)

    I suggest for the purpose of the logline that having her looking for her parents be considered as a long term narrative arc for the franchise.? One that need not be included in a logline for the origin chapter.? It’s a goal she takes on later after she’s become fully aware of her powers, the implications and the cosmic stakes.? Just as Luke Skywalker doesn’t know who he really is and what is at stake for him in using the Force until the “Big Reveal” at the end of the second chapter of the original “Star Wars” franchise.

    The logline for the origin chapter of your saga should focus on her most immediate and urgent objective goal in that chapter.? Which is…?

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  3. Posted: December 14, 2017In:

    When a new drug augmenting reality hits the market, a young lawyer stifled by his career takes the drug and stumbles upon a door to a different plane of existence, where he encounters a young woman who will stop at nothing to defend her village against the specter of a demon.

    dpg Singularity

    >>> His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home. Why would he want to get back home?? To a world where he's a stifled nobody, doing meaningless work for over privileged clients engaging in dubious business practices? In this dimensionRead more

    >>> His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home.

    Why would he want to get back home?? To a world where he’s a stifled nobody, doing meaningless work for over privileged clients engaging in dubious business practices?

    In this dimension he gets to play to be a hero.? He gets to fight for a meaningful cause.

    The stakes between the two options seem hardly equivalent.? So I don’t see what his dramatic dilemma is.

    fwiw

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