1. Posted: December 5, 2017In:

    “Informed that possession is nine tenths of the law, a couple on the verge of divorce refuse to leave their beach side home despite the class 5 hurricane bearing down, believing the first to leave will lose the home in the settlement.”

    dpg Singularity

    100%? possession of property in regards to married or divorcing couples is a matter of whose name is on the deed or deed of trust.? Occupancy is legally immaterial.? So unless this is a comedy -- not a drama -- where normal rules can be tossed out the window, where adults have full license to act stRead more

    100%? possession of property in regards to married or divorcing couples is a matter of whose name is on the deed or deed of trust.? Occupancy is legally immaterial.? So unless this is a comedy — not a drama — where normal rules can be tossed out the window, where adults have full license to act stupid and childish, I don’t see how this premises launches.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: December 8, 2017In:

    A young woman in search of her parents finds herself in a fight for her life when an extraterrestrial warrior believe her to be a legendary weapon created to defend against the invader.

    dpg Singularity

    As Richiev said, the search for her parents doesn't match the goal.? ?That she is searching for her parents may a context for the plot, but it is not the inciting incident for the plot.? Hence, it doesn't belong in the logline. Being stalked by the E.T. warrior seems to be the inciting incident.? AnRead more

    As Richiev said, the search for her parents doesn’t match the goal.? ?That she is searching for her parents may a context for the plot, but it is not the inciting incident for the plot.? Hence, it doesn’t belong in the logline.

    Being stalked by the E.T. warrior seems to be the inciting incident.? And her objective goal must be related to that inciting incident. So what becomes her objective goal when she realizes the E.T. warrior wishes to acquire her as a weapon?

    Also, humans are recruited or impressed to play roles in defending others. What does it mean for her to become a “weapon” as differentiated from playing a role?? The logline suggests a character losing all of her agency ; she’s to become merely a military tool in someone else’s arsenal.? That’s not what protagonist’s do.? Protagonist’s are proactive, not reactive or passive instruments.

    So, again, what is her proactive response to the E.T.’s attempt to use her against her will?

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  3. Posted: November 27, 2017In:

    In a dystopian future, when reaching ‘working age,’ teenage rebel defys his destiny set by a leading class oppressors and will fight for living life his own way, even if it means death.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    JanCabal:>>>Does it have all other ingredients?The antagonist needs to be specific. "Leading class oppressors" is general. And by specific I mean there needs to be an alpha "class oppressor" who dominates and personifies the whole system.? As in "The Hunger Games".? Katniss Everdeen is fighRead more

    JanCabal:

    >>>Does it have all other ingredients?

    The antagonist needs to be specific. “Leading class oppressors” is general. And by specific I mean there needs to be an alpha “class oppressor” who dominates and personifies the whole system.? As in “The Hunger Games”.? Katniss Everdeen is fighting? the oppressive regime of Panam, but the specific person she is fighting against is President Snow.? He is the face of Panem; he is her nemesis. Who is the face of your “class oppressors”?? Who is your protagonist’s nemesis?

    LIkewise the protagonist’s objective goal needs to be made specific and concrete.? “Will fight for living life his own way” can mean anything and everything.? How does “his own way” translate into a distinct objective goal?

    >>>something I am passionate about

    If you are passionate enough to write the script, you are hooked on the premise.? Great!? Now the? challenge is to hook the rest of us on your premise so that we will want to read the script, see the film.

    fwiw

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