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After being framed for the murder of two policemen, Peter, an inocent man with a criminal past, must fight to get his daughter back while running away from the revenge-driven police force and the angered population of the town that has been conditioned by the media to see him as a monster.
When I unpack this logline, I conclude that his objective goal is to regain custody of his daughter.? All the other elements constitute complications, barriers, snares and pitfalls that stand in the way. But what initially leads him to seek custody of his daughter?? For technically, the objective goRead more
When I unpack this logline, I conclude that his objective goal is to regain custody of his daughter.? All the other elements constitute complications, barriers, snares and pitfalls that stand in the way.
But what initially leads him to seek custody of his daughter?? For technically, the objective goal does not logically flow from the apparent inciting incident (the accidental death of the cops).? Rather, the deaths constitute a complication to his objective goal — not the creation of his objective goal.? And that’s the function? of the inciting incident in a plot, to set up the selection and pursuit of the objective goal.? An objective goal he did not have in mind before the inciting incident.
So how does accidentally killing 2 cops make him suddenly decide; “Hey, I must have custody of my daughter”?? If the accidental killing is indeed the inciting incident, then it implies he did not urgently seek custody of her beforehand.? So why now?
And where is the mother in all this?
fwiw
See lessWhen the government quarantines the empathetic AI that she created to find ?Mr. Right,? a lonely programmer must find a way to access her AI so she can extricate his identity.
>>>she can extricate his identity.Say what?? Who is this "his"? Or is it a typo and it should be "her"?And I've said it before,? I fail to see the logical sense to the government shutting down the AI just because it's empathetic.? ?But you seem fixed on casting the Big Bad Government as theRead more
>>>she can extricate his identity.
Say what?? Who is this “his”? Or is it a typo and it should be “her”?
And I’ve said it before,? I fail to see the logical sense to the government shutting down the AI just because it’s empathetic.? ?But you seem fixed on casting the Big Bad Government as the villain when a Big Bad Corporation seeking to cash in on the technology would seem to be a more logical option.
And then there’s the matter of technical issues.? She’s smart enough to program an AI with empathy?– but not smart enough to secure it from the government?? Not smart enough to have a backup copy of the source code?? ?Not smart enough to code in a back door into her own application? and the platform that supports it — a back door that no one else would know about?? (Which is SOP, btw, one of the tricks of the trade.)
(The default target audience for this story is computer nerds and geeks.? These are the questions the story will have to? answer in setting up the plot for that audience to buy into the story — buy tickets to see the movie? or rent the streaming video.? fwiw.)
And how is it possible for the government to? “quarantine” anything in the Wild Wild West of the internet?
But it’s your story.
See lessBeing fired and jobless since six months, a loving husband needs to raise 24 lakhs in 24 hours to save his wife from a killer disease!
Agree with Richiev.??The predicament is not unique.? Many people are faced with a medical crisis for which they lack the money to pay for.? What is unique in this story -- or should be -- is how he plans to raise the money.A logline needs a story hook, and in this case that hook will be the unique aRead more
Agree with Richiev.??The predicament is not unique.? Many people are faced with a medical crisis for which they lack the money to pay for.? What is unique in this story — or should be — is how he plans to raise the money.
A logline needs a story hook, and in this case that hook will be the unique and risky way he intends to raise the money. So you gotta play that card in the logline, turn it over and lay it down for all to see.
This raises a dramatic question (“Will he raise the money?”).? But it doesn’t give away the dramatic answer (“Yes, he does and she lives” or “No, he fails and she dies”) — something a logline should never do.
fwiw
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