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  1. Posted: November 4, 2017In: Drama

    A womanizer music mogul, finds himself wrapped up in a sexual abuse scandal after finding true love with a beautiful singer who shapes him into a better man.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 5, 2017 at 2:20 am

    Agree with Nir Shelter: "it?s worth noting that if he is guilty I?m not sure that the audience would care much for his story."In the current zeitgeist,? I think that renders the story DOA.Also the original logline makes the love interest? the protagonist character rather than the mogul.? She's taskeRead more

    Agree with Nir Shelter: “it?s worth noting that if he is guilty I?m not sure that the audience would care much for his story.”

    In the current zeitgeist,? I think that renders the story DOA.

    Also the original logline makes the love interest? the protagonist character rather than the mogul.? She’s tasked with the stereotypical role of being his rescuer.? If she’s a better person than he is, why doesn’t she engineer his overthrow and take over the business herself?

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  2. Posted: November 3, 2017In: Thriller

    A college student fights false accusations of rape against corrupted councelor and his rapist son to clear his reputation as stakes go higher with upcoming town elections.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 4, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    Your story seems to depend on a lot of coincidental circumstances and corrupt people conspiring against the young man.A lot.What's the dramatic point you are trying to make having an entire community willfully aligned against the student?

    Your story seems to depend on a lot of coincidental circumstances and corrupt people conspiring against the young man.

    A lot.

    What’s the dramatic point you are trying to make having an entire community willfully aligned against the student?

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  3. Posted: November 2, 2017In: Fantasy

    When an exiled prince unexpectedly becomes ruler in a foreign kingdom, he must make dangerous alliances if he is to survive the vampire Emperor who murdered his parents.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 4, 2017 at 11:39 am

    >>>unexpectedly becomes rulerHow?What is the causal relationship between the inciting incident and the objective goal?And what is the young man's objective goal?? Surely not to make alliances -- isn't that is a stratagem, a means to achieve his objective goal??

    >>>unexpectedly becomes ruler

    How?

    What is the causal relationship between the inciting incident and the objective goal?

    And what is the young man’s objective goal?? Surely not to make alliances — isn’t that is a stratagem, a means to achieve his objective goal??

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