1. Posted: November 4, 2017In:

    When terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.

    dpg Singularity

    As Richiev said.? Who wants to watch someone spend two hours deciding whether to decide? Obviously, he's going?to opt for revenge.? If he doesn't, there's no story.? So frame the logline around his decision, his course of action, not his deciding whether to decide.One other tip: in non-fiction storiRead more

    As Richiev said.? Who wants to watch someone spend two hours deciding whether to decide? Obviously, he’s going?to opt for revenge.? If he doesn’t, there’s no story.? So frame the logline around his decision, his course of action, not his deciding whether to decide.

    One other tip: in non-fiction stories, the logline should not include the proper name of the protagonist.? More important than the proper name is a defining characteristic and/or flaw.

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  2. Posted: November 1, 2017In:

    An unconventional DIA agent tracks a terorrist cell with a dirty bomb to Cardiff. If detonated, it could kill thousands and it’s radioactive material would be traced to the US which would permanently destroy US/UK relations. ~~~This is for the 3rd novel in my Jullian Beck Adventures

    dpg Singularity

    The mission of the DIA, per its name, is to collect actionable intelligence with a focus on national defense-military issues as opposed to the CIA which has a broader mandate.?? Okay, so he's got a fix on their location.? Now what?? What becomes his specific objective goal? Or does the plot begin eaRead more

    The mission of the DIA, per its name, is to collect actionable intelligence with a focus on national defense-military issues as opposed to the CIA which has a broader mandate.?? Okay, so he’s got a fix on their location.? Now what?? What becomes his specific objective goal?

    Or does the plot begin earlier? Is it about the process of finding and following clues that put him on the scent, the trail of the terrorist group?

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  3. Posted: November 2, 2017In:

    A smart sophisticated woman has all the control in her career life but in her personal life, the control is slowly slipping out of her hand. One day, an encounter with her husband leads to a decision she’ll deeply regret.

    dpg Singularity

    So what happens in the encounter -- IOW: what specifically is the inciting incident?? Husbands and wives are always having encounters.? What's unique about this encounter?And as a result what is her decision -- what becomes objective goal?Loglines should not hide in a fog of generalities.? Tell, notRead more

    So what happens in the encounter — IOW: what specifically is the inciting incident?? Husbands and wives are always having encounters.? What’s unique about this encounter?

    And as a result what is her decision — what becomes objective goal?

    Loglines should not hide in a fog of generalities.? Tell, not tease.

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