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JC a 10-year-old boy genius in Outback Australia overcomes life’s endless hardships and grows into a man solving his community’s problems using his great intellect. In the process, he becomes the towns, Wet and Dry Goods Merchant, Pharmacist, Dentist, Optometrist, Mayor, Honorary Anesthesiologist, and romances his Childhood sweetheart along the way.
>>>He has dyslexia which I will mention.Which, however, does not seem to stop him from being a "wonder boy".? In drama (whether played for laughs or tears) the purpose of a character flaw is to raise suspense, put in doubt, serious doubt, that he can succeed.? That his flaw or vulnerabilityRead more
>>>He has dyslexia which I will mention.
Which, however, does not seem to stop him from being a “wonder boy”.? In drama (whether played for laughs or tears) the purpose of a character flaw is to raise suspense, put in doubt, serious doubt, that he can succeed.? That his flaw or vulnerability will be his downfall,
Also, in addition to being too long, the logline reads like “a string of pearls” story.? That is, a story where a series of events are linked together like pearls on a string with no singular pearl that stands out as the overarching objective goal.? Nor any sense of conflict and tension building to crisis and climax.
What is his overarching objective goal, anyway?? And who opposes him?? Who is his nemesis?
See lessA young aid worker learns humanity has been manipulated for aeons. He must learn control time to save humanity and the people he loves.
The greatest challenge in pitching a scifi story in a logline is that it postulates a fictional world , and? rules that apply therein -- that only exists in the mind of the writer.And so it is that I am sure you have worked out a causal connection and logical explanation as to why the protagonist, aRead more
The greatest challenge in pitching a scifi story in a logline is that it postulates a fictional world , and? rules that apply therein — that only exists in the mind of the writer.
And so it is that I am sure you have worked out a causal connection and logical explanation as to why the protagonist, and he alone is the “The One”, who realizes humanity is enslaved. Why he, and he alone, can control time. And why the only way to liberate humanity is to control time.
But I have no idea what it is; consequently, I am unable to suspend disbelief, understand and buy into the? story.
Furthermore, I don’t see an Unique Selling Point (aka: Hook) that makes this plot stand out in the swarm of competing scifi pitches.? That is, I don’t see how the World-Savior-to-be in this story equals or tops all the other designated World-Savior’s scifi films.? Specifically Neo of the Matrix franchise which with the protagonist in this logline will inevitably compared.
Maybe you’ve got an idea for a dystopia that’s even worse than the Matrix and? a protagonist /World-Savior who can top Neo.? But I just don’t see it. (Yet.)
Other’s mileage for this logline and vision of its potential may vary.
fwiw
See lessJC a 10-year-old boy genius in Outback Australia overcomes life’s endless hardships and grows into a man solving his community’s problems using his great intellect. In the process, he becomes the towns, Wet and Dry Goods Merchant, Pharmacist, Dentist, Optometrist, Mayor, Honorary Anesthesiologist, and romances his Childhood sweetheart along the way.
As Foxtrot25 said.? At 51 words, the entry is too long to be evaluated as a logline. And comedies are about human foibles, not human perfection.? ?Therefore, there's got to be a flaw in the mix,? a downside to being a "wonder boy".
As Foxtrot25 said.? At 51 words, the entry is too long to be evaluated as a logline.
And comedies are about human foibles, not human perfection.? ?Therefore, there’s got to be a flaw in the mix,? a downside to being a “wonder boy”.
See less