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  1. Posted: October 14, 2017In: Drama

    She ran away from the sharecropping life she was born into, and pursued her dream of becoming a Blues musician. This is the story of Blues Legend: Memphis Minnie.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 14, 2017 at 11:18 am

    Maybe something like:The story of Memphis Minnie who at the age of ten ran away from a sharecropping life to pursue her dream of becoming a Blues musician. (25 words)Notes:*I suggest it would be more effective and accurate to? categorize it as a biography than a drama.*Biographies and histories areRead more

    Maybe something like:

    The story of Memphis Minnie who at the age of ten ran away from a sharecropping life to pursue her dream of becoming a Blues musician.
    (25 words)

    Notes:

    *I suggest it would be more effective and accurate to? categorize it as a biography than a drama.

    *Biographies and histories are the exception to the rule of not cluttering up loglines with character names.? For one thing, in the age of the Internet, one can quickly google the name to verify and find? additional information.

    *Which is what I did and found what for me is the story hook.? There are innumerable biographies of people who struggle to overcome poverty and overwhelming obstacles to realize their Big Dream.? But the story of a girl who runs away?at the age of 10?to pursue her Big Dream — that’s uncommon.? That’s a differentiating element — a hook –? that needs to be in the logline.

    Fwiw. Best wishes with this story.

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  2. Posted: October 12, 2017In: Horror

    (Set in the late 19th century) To prevent the bank foreclosing on her family estate, a brilliant teenage biologist must travel to Australia to track down her missing parents, but discovers a world full of strange monsters and must create one of her own to survive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 14, 2017 at 3:40 am

    I suggest the setup is overly complicated, unnecessarily so.? Why waste time and pages about the business of the bank?? Why not just cut to the chase ASAP? The inciting incident is that her parents have stopped communicating. No telegram or letter for months.? To her or anyone else. She must find ouRead more

    I suggest the setup is overly complicated, unnecessarily so.? Why waste time and pages about the business of the bank?? Why not just cut to the chase ASAP? The inciting incident is that her parents have stopped communicating. No telegram or letter for months.? To her or anyone else. She must find out what happened to them.? And pack her off to the Down Under.

    Whatever, the hook of the story is her fabricating her own hybrid sidekick. Frankly, all the yada yada about finding her parents can’t compare to it, may actually derail interest in your intended plot line.

    What I don’t see is how it fits in “horror” story.? The “monster” seems her ally — not her antagonist.? Horror stories require a designated antagonist.? Who is hers?? No antagonist is designated in your logline.? A world full of strange monsters” doesn’t fit the bill.? Too general and too many,? The logline doesn’t? tell us who/what constitutes her singular, horrible threat, the entity that is out to kill her specifically.

    Finally, genres have rules, expectations.? One of the rules of the horror genre is that the exercise of god-like powers? always has unintended and undesirable?consequences.? It’s an exercise in hubris, a violation of the natural order, and those who do so must pay for it. Dearly and (usually) finally with their lives.?

    Unquestionably, the teenage prodigy is exercising god-like powers, is violating the natural order in creating hybrid species by mere caprice . So, by the conventional rules of the horror genre, the teen prodigy has to be too smart for her own good. Sh*t happens, must happen as a result of her fooling around, her hubris.? ?She’s gotta pay a terrible price for “messing with animals”.?

    I don’t see (yet)? how how her story fits the requirements of the genre.

    Just saying.

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  3. Posted: October 12, 2017In: Horror

    (Set in the late 19th century) To prevent the bank foreclosing on her family estate, a brilliant teenage biologist must travel to Australia to track down her missing parents, but discovers a world full of strange monsters and must create one of her own to survive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 12, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    I like the idea of a teenage girl having to strike out on her own, venture into a strange new world of wonders and dangers, but like Nir Shelter I'm mystified as to what really is the primary dramatic problem.? Also what is her starting point -- where is she coming from at the start of the story?

    I like the idea of a teenage girl having to strike out on her own, venture into a strange new world of wonders and dangers, but like Nir Shelter I’m mystified as to what really is the primary dramatic problem.? Also what is her starting point — where is she coming from at the start of the story?

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