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A cloned Marine on shore leave is abducted by a spy who manipulates him into joining him on a covert operation on an enemy planet, to stop a rogue officer from starting an interstellar war.
Yes, delete the reference to the spy. ?The original version puts the spy in the driver's seat of the plot, makes the Marine a pawn in the spy's game, a puppet whose strings are being pulled by the spy (abduction and manipulation).The amended version (finally) seems to put the Marine in the driver'sRead more
Yes, delete the reference to the spy. ?The original version puts the spy in the driver’s seat of the plot, makes the Marine a pawn in the spy’s game, a puppet whose strings are being pulled by the spy (abduction and manipulation).
The amended version (finally) seems to put the Marine in the driver’s seat of the plot. ?Or is he?
Why MUST the Marine be abducted and manipulated? ?Why can’t he CHOOSE to go on the mission of his own free will? ?It seems to me that accepting the mission because he’s been abducted and manipulated is ?a weak motivation, the wrong reason. ?It’s feels negative, passive. ?If the Marine is more than a puppet, a pawn then I suggest he has to accept the mission of his own free will for a ?positive personal reason. ?He has to be pursuing his own object goal. ?His objective goal may be in service of a higher, greater cause, but it’s got be his choice, his goal. ?He should have skin in the game, personal stakes.
See lessA cloned Marine on shore leave is abducted by a spy who manipulates him into joining him on a covert operation on an enemy planet, to stop a rogue officer from starting an interstellar war.
It's still not clear who the protagonist is. ?Who owns the story? ?The Marine or the spy? ?Whoever it is, the logline should be framed to focus on and feature that character.
It’s still not clear who the protagonist is. ?Who owns the story? ?The Marine or the spy? ?Whoever it is, the logline should be framed to focus on and feature that character.
See lessIn order to save his mother, a young man embarks in an adventure to get proof of a friendly monster’s existence.
I don't understand. ?What is the cause-and-effect link between proving a monster exists and saving his mother. ?What is the inciting incident, the threat, ?that compels him to find this monster in order to save his mother? Check out the "Formula" at the top of the web page for guidelines on writingRead more
I don’t understand. ?What is the cause-and-effect link between proving a monster exists and saving his mother. ?What is the inciting incident, the threat, ?that compels him to find this monster in order to save his mother? Check out the “Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry standard logline.
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