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  1. Posted: September 14, 2017In: Comedy

    A dracula who hates killing people for blood finds a companionship in a coward son of a gangster.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 14, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    I like the conflicted character but now the logline needs a conflict based on some necessary action created by an inciting incident. ?What is the inciting incident that throws the 2 together? ?As a result ?of that inciting incident, what becomes his objective goal? ?Who opposes him?

    I like the conflicted character but now the logline needs a conflict based on some necessary action created by an inciting incident. ?What is the inciting incident that throws the 2 together? ?As a result ?of that inciting incident, what becomes his objective goal? ?Who opposes him?

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  2. Posted: September 13, 2017In: Drama

    To save his family, a former criminal profiler, with a supernatural ability that allows him to enter people?s minds, is pressured to work for the drug cartel.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 13, 2017 at 11:01 am

    First of all, it's more effective for a logline to frame the conflict in terms of a singular protagonist vs. singular antagonist. ?In this case he's (probably) going up against the leader of the drug cartel.Now, then: ?he has a supernatural ability to read the mess in the minds of criminals -- but iRead more

    First of all, it’s more effective for a logline to frame the conflict in terms of a singular protagonist vs. singular antagonist. ?In this case he’s (probably) going up against the leader of the drug cartel.

    Now, then: ?he has a supernatural ability to read the mess in the minds of criminals — but it’s not good enough to mess with and, hence, outwit the minds of the criminal leader of a drug cartel or any of his subordinates. (???) ?What supernatural ability does the leader have that gives him the upper hand?

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  3. Posted: September 11, 2017In: Comedy

    A brilliant young woman-of-science disguises herself as a (male) witch-finder’s assistant so she can undermine the brutal practice of witch burning in spite of a greedy witch-finder who will not pardon any of the town?s witches. A musical comedy

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 13, 2017 at 10:01 am

    Rather than "Woman of science", just say "A female scientist".And where and when is this set?>>>" who will not pardon any of the town?s witches"In other word's, he's merciless.The logline should frame the plot as a conflict between two people, ?the woman and the male witch-hunter rather thaRead more

    Rather than “Woman of science”, just say “A female scientist”.

    And where and when is this set?

    >>>” who will not pardon any of the town?s witches”

    In other word’s, he’s merciless.

    The logline should frame the plot as a conflict between two people, ?the woman and the male witch-hunter rather than as a conflict between a woman and the practice of witch burning — and, oh, by the way, the prime instigator of the witch burning is a witch hunter. ?Establish a direct protagonist vs. antagonist relationship.

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