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  1. Posted: September 8, 2017In: Coming of Age

    When a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 11, 2017 at 12:11 am

    >>The evil dwarf-like creature appears and begins to torment the boy. As this character has appeared in severalof your loglines, I venture to surmise that you're looking for a plot vehicle in which to ?cast an evil dwarf. ?Why? What makes this character so dramatically interesting to you?

    >>The evil dwarf-like creature appears and begins to torment the boy.

    As this character has appeared in severalof your loglines, I venture to surmise that you’re looking for a plot vehicle in which to ?cast an evil dwarf. ?Why? What makes this character so dramatically interesting to you?

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  2. Posted: September 9, 2017In: Action

    A female bounty hunter holds a gangland bar hostage while awaiting the arrival of a fugitive killer but one of the hostages is hiding a deadly secret.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 10, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Kbfilmworks,I wholeheartedly agree that a pitch is ?a seduction, a strip tease. ?But it's got to flash enough skin, or at least deliver enough of bump and grind, ?to lure the mark in.This version doesn't flash enough skin, just doesn't have the bump and grind to lure me in. ?But different strokes foRead more

    Kbfilmworks,

    I wholeheartedly agree that a pitch is ?a seduction, a strip tease. ?But it’s got to flash enough skin, or at least deliver enough of bump and grind, ?to lure the mark in.

    This version doesn’t flash enough skin, just doesn’t have the bump and grind to lure me in. ?But different strokes for different folks so maybe it will work for others. ?(Although I reiterate that your strip tease has to compete for attention with scores ?–hundreds? — of other loglines for the SciFi genre. )

    Best wishes for this story.. Regards

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  3. Posted: September 9, 2017In: Action

    A female bounty hunter holds a gangland bar hostage while awaiting the arrival of a fugitive killer but one of the hostages is hiding a deadly secret.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 10, 2017 at 3:27 am

    You tag it as an action genre. ?But isn't it more accurate to pitch it as a SciFi? ?And if so, then what is the unique element, the organizing "magic" sci-fi feature of the story?Whatever, this version may sell the steak -- but I wonder if it sells the sizzle.And what's your theme? ?What idea are yoRead more

    You tag it as an action genre. ?But isn’t it more accurate to pitch it as a SciFi? ?And if so, then what is the unique element, the organizing “magic” sci-fi feature of the story?

    Whatever, this version may sell the steak — but I wonder if it sells the sizzle.

    And what’s your theme? ?What idea are you exploring that requires her to be killing time in a gang bar while trying not to kill a doppelganger?

    And ?if the bad dude can time trip, why can’t she? ?Wouldn’t it strengthen her appeal as ?a character, not to mention her arc and her relationship past and present with her prize game?

    fwiw

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