Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Martin, a perfect square, discovers his divorce and general sense of unhappiness can be linked back to a lack lustre sex life, to help overcome his sexual inadequacies he hires a prostitute.
>>>proves his real manhoodHmm.Consider developing an ironical relationship arc where she comes to appreciate him for what he doesn't appreciate about himself. ?She loves him for what what he is, a perfectly square guy whom she can trust, who can provide her ?with stability and security. ?ThRead more
>>>proves his real manhood
Hmm.
Consider developing an ironical relationship arc where she comes to appreciate him for what he doesn’t appreciate about himself. ?She loves him for what what he is, a perfectly square guy whom she can trust, who can provide her ?with stability and security. ?That’s what she wants; that’s what she needs. ?Score one for the squares of the world.
IOW: ?Come to find out, he was pursuing the wrong goal.
See lessA female bounty hunter holds a gangland bar hostage while awaiting the arrival of a fugitive killer but one of the hostages is hiding a deadly secret.
Kbfiilmworks:Based upon what you discussed in the thread for the other version, it is my opinion that this version buries the story hook. ? ?At least, the story element that hooked my interest. ? "Hiding a deadly secret" ?doesn't really tell me what makes your story different, stand out from the herRead more
Kbfiilmworks:
Based upon what you discussed in the thread for the other version, it is my opinion that this version buries the story hook. ? ?At least, the story element that hooked my interest. ? “Hiding a deadly secret” ?doesn’t really tell me what makes your story different, stand out from the herd. ?
Okay, discount my reaction as that of someone who is jaded,?whose mind has been desensitized ?from?reading?read too many loglines. And I am jaded! ?But consider that logline readers are probably as jaded as I am. ?Perhaps my reaction may not be an outlier, may not be atypical.
Let’s see how other similarly ?jaded logline readers respond.
See lessWhen a foster care teen learns of his biological father’s death, he must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. (23)
As far as it goes, I think the essential elements are there, although I suggest it could tightened up. ?So:After his real ?father dies, ?a foster care teen must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. ?(20 words)But it seems to me that it lacks for a strong hook, compelling stakesRead more
As far as it goes, I think the essential elements are there, although I suggest it could tightened up. ?So:
After his real ?father dies, ?a foster care teen must undergo a mystic rite of passage to claim his inheritance. ?(20 words)
But it seems to me that it lacks for a strong hook, compelling stakes. ?Either “mystic rites of passage” will grab a reader’s attention. ?Or not. ?Or mystify more than entice. ?And is the inheritance big enough to justify going through the unusual ordeal? ?IOW: ?what are the stakes? ?And are the rites of passage just out of the ordinary — or are they also really dangerous?
Also, there is no clue as to why the father has imposed this condition upon his son, whom he didn’t seem to care enough to take care of while he was alive. ?For example, if the father was a member of a Native American tribe, I might ?infer that the rite of passage is part of a tribal ritual, including mystical states induced by the ceremonial consumption of peyote. ?I could see a plausible cause-and-effect relationship between the father’s death and the rite of passage would make more sense. ?But as it stands, I am left clueless as to the father’s motivation, to the logic of the requirement.
See less