1. Posted: September 7, 2017In:

    A female bounty hunter holds an innocent man hostage to trap his future-self: a fugitive killer from 20 years in the future, desperate to merge identities with his younger self to stay alive.

    dpg Singularity

    Okay, but you're not writing a "Pulp Fiction" that has its basis in familiar reality, doesn't require long and convoluted explanations to set up the world and the characters.You're writing about a world totally unfamiliar to the audience ?with a whole set of rules that has to be explained.And readinRead more

    Okay, but you’re not writing a “Pulp Fiction” that has its basis in familiar reality, doesn’t require long and convoluted explanations to set up the world and the characters.

    You’re writing about a world totally unfamiliar to the audience ?with a whole set of rules that has to be explained.

    And reading your synopsis brought George Lucas to mind. ?How he originally tried to cram so much of the vast “Star Wars” universe. characters and story line into one film, finally realized he couldn’t and shouldn’t.

    Also, all other factors being equal, ?a movie with franchise potential (or intention) is easier to sell than a one-off. ? I can see the bounty hunter being a continuity character hunting down bad guys and gals through several films. ?(And — bonus! — a female protagonist. ?Nowhere near enough of those.)

    And a successful low-budget origin film (or one in media res, like the original “Star Wars”) can attract the money for a more expansive canvas in sequels and prequels.

    I think you’re underestimating the potential long term potential and value of your idea.?

    >>>I need a radical logline that creates immediate intrigue even if I have to chuck out the rules

    IOW: ?one with a High Concept hook.

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  2. Posted: September 8, 2017In:

    Martin, a perfect square, discovers his divorce and general sense of unhappiness can be linked back to a lack lustre sex life, to help overcome his sexual inadequacies he hires a prostitute.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>I?ve checked Netflix What Netflix, IMDB post to describe movies are called "blurbs" in the industry. ?They are targeted to a different market -- movie viewers. ?Loglines are targeted to the market of movie makers. ?And movie makers ?are primarily interested in the basic plot as outlinedRead more

    >>>I?ve checked Netflix

    What Netflix, IMDB post to describe movies are called “blurbs” in the industry. ?They are targeted to a different market — movie viewers. ?Loglines are targeted to the market of movie makers. ?And movie makers ?are primarily interested in the basic plot as outlined in the “Formula” at the top of the web page.

    >>finds saving grace in a prostitute

    Loglines should state how a story begins — the inciting incident. ?An ironclad rule is that a logline should never have a spoiler, never give away the ending. ?Even in a general sense.

    As to the premise that a crooked whore can redeem a “perfect square”, it seems to me that perhaps just the opposite is what needs to happen. ?That perhaps he needs to rescue and redeem her from the cruel, cynical heartless, and spirit crushing trade she is engaged in. ?I would hope the time has arrived when story lines involving prostitutes will do better than resort to the the ?”whore with a golden heart” fantasy-stereotype.

    imho

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  3. Posted: September 7, 2017In:

    A female bounty hunter holds an innocent man hostage to trap his future-self: a fugitive killer from 20 years in the future, desperate to merge identities with his younger self to stay alive.

    dpg Singularity

    kbfilmworks: I commend you for thinking out the details of your premise before presenting it in the form of a logline. However, it seems to me that your story line is ?complicated, has a lot of moving parts. ? More power to you if can set it all up in the 1st Act, explain the rules that operate in tRead more

    kbfilmworks:

    I commend you for thinking out the details of your premise before presenting it in the form of a logline.

    However, it seems to me that your story line is ?complicated, has a lot of moving parts. ? More power to you if can set it all up in the 1st Act, explain the rules that operate in this fictional world, with minimal exposition.

    Have you thought about dividing it up into smaller story chunks? ?IOW: ?what about making it into a series or franchise? ?Start with a plot (and logline) for the origin story?

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