1. Posted: March 28, 2020In:

    When he learns the one that got away is getting, a man sets about winning her back, with the help of the fiance’s ex, only to fall for her as well.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>only to fall for her as well.Does that mean he's now in love with both?Is this intended to be a romantic comedy?

    >>>only to fall for her as well.

    Does that mean he’s now in love with both?

    Is this intended to be a romantic comedy?

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  2. Posted: March 25, 2020In:

    On the cusp of the 23rd century,? our world has almost completely succumbed to global warming, forcing all inhabitants to live in one giant, multi-cultured community. Racism, greed, destruction, and chaos run amok with no end in sight. Every citizen is forced to pick up weapons to either slaughter or protect. A young adult and his best friend enlist in a government-owned team of fighters, whose main goal is to stop the spread of corruption and save humanity from the brink of extinction.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Agree with yqwertz on every point.Particularly the point about the protagonist being described in general terms.? He comes across as a generic combo Savior/SJW (- Social Justice Warrior).? What distinguishes him from all the other scripts and story ideas about would-be Saviors?? (And there plenty ofRead more

    Agree with yqwertz on every point.

    Particularly the point about the protagonist being described in general terms.? He comes across as a generic combo Savior/SJW (- Social Justice Warrior).? What distinguishes him from all the other scripts and story ideas about would-be Saviors?? (And there plenty of them in loglines posted here.)? What’s his mojo, what makes him uniquely qualified, humanity’s best and only hope to avoid extinction?

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  3. Posted: March 24, 2020In: ,

    Forced out of a cloistered life after his employer dies, an illiterate simpleton gardener becomes a media celebrity and Washington influencer after a dying billionaire mistakes his gardening advice as metaphorical words of economic wisdom.

    dpg Singularity

    I would like to remark on the strategy I used to arrive at the version I posted.The general rule is that a logline should be no longer than 25 words in length.? But, of course, there are always exceptions, outliers.? Loglines that require more than 30 words are a particular challenge. (Loglines thatRead more

    I would like to remark on the strategy I used to arrive at the version I posted.

    The general rule is that a logline should be no longer than 25 words in length.? But, of course, there are always exceptions, outliers.? Loglines that require more than 30 words are a particular challenge. (Loglines that exceed 40 words are a problem? –? a fatal flaw. A logline longer than 40 words is DOA — dead on arrival.)

    So the question is: how best to craft a logline for scripts and story ideas that are longer?? My answer is:? deliver the story hook within the first 25 words.

    The story hook? for “Being There” is how a simpleton gardener becomes a media celebrity and Washington influencer.? My first rough drafts for a logline followed the sequence of events.? And so:

    His employer’s death forces a illiterate simpleton out of his cloistered life into the world where a politically powerful but dying billionaire mistakes him as a sage economist transforming him into a celebrity and influential Washington player.

    Well, at 37 words it stays under the 40 word ceiling and, less or more, conveys what the story is about.? But it contains a serious flaw:? the reader has to slog through 28 words to find out what the story hook is.? (And I am rabid on the point that the story hook is the most important element in a logline.) So I reworked the logline? until I could plant the story hook before the 25th word , that is,? state it within the generally accepted maximum logline length.

    In the version posted, the story hook is inserted before word 22.? I violated the letter of the “law” with a 35 word logline, but observed the “spirit” by getting the story hook within the 1st 25 words.

    Mission accomplished.

    fwiw

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