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A mentally unstable young couple from Appalachia reminisces about forging a bond of protection and an unorthodox family in the face of suicidal, homicidal, and familial strife in the slums of Los Angeles.
So... what's the plot, the objective goal? What do they do about their situation other than reminisce?
So… what’s the plot, the objective goal?
What do they do about their situation other than reminisce?
See lessOn the verge of quitting his job to get married, a presumptuous man gets curiously rejected when proposing to his girlfriend and therefore hires a private investigator to investigate her reasons; but when he discovers that the PI has been following the wrong girl all along and feeding him false information, he must learn to listen to others selflessly before his girlfriend discovers that she’s being investigated.
>>>he must learn to listenThis version of the logline is a spoiler. ?A logline should never give away the resolution of the dramatic problem. ?And a logline should never be about "The Lesson Learned". ?Never.A logline is about a struggle for an objective goal in spite of complications and oRead more
>>>he must learn to listen
This version of the logline is a spoiler. ?A logline should never give away the resolution of the dramatic problem. ?And a logline should never be about “The Lesson Learned”. ?Never.
A logline is about a struggle for an objective goal in spite of complications and obstacles. ?The problem begins when the girl dumps him. ?The complication to the problem ?is that the jilted man receives the wrong information because the PI is incompetent and shadows the wrong woman. ? It’s not just a complication, imho, it’s the story hook.
What does he do, what becomes his objective goal after he receives the information not knowing it’s about the wrong girl? ?That’s the plot.
See lessAfter his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.
>>>>? I want to say that there are only three supernaturals even in the story, so it?s not a gang made up of werewolves vs. a gang made up of vampiresOh.So I read more into the logline than I should have. ?I wonder if I my misreading is atypical or a potential pitfall other readers willRead more
>>>>? I want to say that there are only three supernaturals even in the story, so it?s not a gang made up of werewolves vs. a gang made up of vampires
Oh.
So I read more into the logline than I should have. ?I wonder if I my misreading is atypical or a potential pitfall other readers will fall into.
I am inclined to the opinion that a gang of werewolves vs. a clan of vampires is a stronger hook. ?Particularly as you’re imagining a fairly violent story: ?werewolves going claw-to-fang with vampires is a much stronger visual.
Here’s where I initially got confused: ?the logline says that a werewolf’s son was shot by ?a vampire. Shot — not bled to death? ?Guns instead of fangs??
Okay, I’m overthinking the story. ?However, vampires and werewolves are stock characters of the genre which means they come with certain conventions, certain expectations on the part of the audience.
Of course, if you’ve got a unique twist on those conventions — great. ?But I don’t see it, yet.
Werewolf versus vampire always brings to mind the Twilight saga. ?Which did have a unique twist on the conventions: ?an immortal vampire teen boy and mortal girl fall in love. ?That’s the inciting incident of the franchise. ?It triggers a conflict arising from what is unique about being a vampire.
In contrast, I see nothing in the inciting incident that incorporates what is unique to either werewolves or vampires. ?It’s standard-issue drive-by shooting. ?Not revenge by an involuntary “blood donation” — but by a bullet. ? Unlike in the Twilight saga, the inciting incident in this logline doesn’t seem to have a unique play on the convention for either vampires or ?werewolves.
Maybe you’ve got a unique play on the conventions. ?My point is that if you’re ?through line is a battle between a werewolf and a vampire, imho, the logline would be strengthened ?by an inciting incident that incorporates something that is particular to being a vampire (or werewolf).
To frame my response from another perspective: ?what is ?the story hook for you that compels you to want to write the script? ?Why MUST you write this story?
I realize that’s beyond the standard scope of a discussion, but sometimes knowing the personal hook for the author can be useful in identifying the universal hook for the movie audience.
fwiw
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