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When a shy teenager finds herself torn between her life-long best friend and a potential new love, she discovers one of them is a projection of her mental illness.
The logline seems to gives away the Big Reveal, something a logline should never do. If the audience has to wait until the 3rd act to find out that one of them is a figment of her imagination, what is to keep them interested in the story until then? ? What is her objective goal up to that point? ? TRead more
The logline seems to gives away the Big Reveal, something a logline should never do.
If the audience has to wait until the 3rd act to find out that one of them is a figment of her imagination, what is to keep them interested in the story until then? ? What is her objective goal up to that point? ? That is what the logline should be about.
See lessWhen a senior Barrister?s reputation is threatened by Alzheimer’s disease, he must enlist his estranged Barrister son, to secretly help him conduct a murder trial.
Agree with Richiev that the son might make a better lead character. And why would the son agree to do it, anyway, if father and son are estranged? ?What's in it for the son?
Agree with Richiev that the son might make a better lead character.
And why would the son agree to do it, anyway, if father and son are estranged? ?What’s in it for the son?
See lessWhen her older sister disappears with a mysterious stranger, a loner teen and her newly sober mother embark on a precarious road trip to find her.
Does her older sister disappear with the stranger voluntarily? ?Or is she kidnapped? ?And is her older sister still a minor or is she (legally) an adult? If the older sister is of legal age, then if she voluntarily "disappears", ?well that's her decision as a consenting adult. ?However, if she's a mRead more
Does her older sister disappear with the stranger voluntarily? ?Or is she kidnapped? ?And is her older sister still a minor or is she (legally) an adult?
If the older sister is of legal age, then if she voluntarily “disappears”, ?well that’s her decision as a consenting adult. ?However, if she’s a minor and/or if there is evidence that she was coerced, then the plot has probable cause.
The younger sister may miss her older sister, but that’s not a sufficient probably cause for a compelling plot. ?The ?logline needs to more clearly indicate what the stakes are, that her sister’s freedom and life is jeopardy. ?it’s a matter of personal freedom, a matter of life and death for her to find her.
(And does her mother sober up after and as a consequence of her older daughter disappearing?)
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