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  1. Posted: March 24, 2017In: Action

    A military bioweapons collector attempts to cover-up an accidental release of a deadly, new strain of flu by destroying the project’s hard drive before his Russian counterpart can prove the CIA’s involvement.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 25, 2017 at 12:12 am

    The problem with your latest iteration is that it doesn't address the urgent question that will be on the audience's mind: ?what about the stopping the pandemic? ?Isn't that priority number one? ?Isn't proving ?who dunnit a secondary issue, not the primary, urgent issue?

    The problem with your latest iteration is that it doesn’t address the urgent question that will be on the audience’s mind: ?what about the stopping the pandemic? ?Isn’t that priority number one? ?Isn’t proving ?who dunnit a secondary issue, not the primary, urgent issue?

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  2. Posted: March 24, 2017In: Drama

    3rd attempt (thank you for the reviews so far!) A carefree rebellious writer?s life turns upside down when his long lost friend crashes at his place for a month, depressed and suicidal. The friend goes missing after a month, leaving behind an email to the writer?s inbox : his suicide note. The writer vows to stop him from taking his own life, and reunite him with his separated daughter.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 24, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Foxtrot25 is right.You got 10 seconds, 15 max to grab and hold a logline reader's eyeballs. ?Movie makers are busy people with short attention spans and innumerable distractions (like smartphones that clamor for their attention 100 or more times a day). ?They aren't going to slog their way through 6Read more

    Foxtrot25 is right.

    You got 10 seconds, 15 max to grab and hold a logline reader’s eyeballs. ?Movie makers are busy people with short attention spans and innumerable distractions (like smartphones that clamor for their attention 100 or more times a day). ?They aren’t going to slog their way through 60 words.

    Boiled down to its essence, ? the story is about a writer who must stop a friend from committing suicide. ?That’s 10 words. ?The rest of the verbiage is embellishment.

    And this story needs embellishment — spicing up — to make the “bland” ?story more appealing. ?But ?you don’t have the luxury of piling on 50 extra words. ? That’s an inconvenient truth, but a truth about how the business works.

    As someone who has served on a hotline, struggled for hours to talk people out of suicide, I think there is powerful story lurking in your premise waiting to be told. ?But, for myself, I’m not hooked on this story.

    But I want to be.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: March 24, 2017In: Action

    an uber driver struggles to survive after he picked up a judge who followed by a terrorist wanted to kill him.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 24, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    >>> struggles to surviveHis goal is only to survive? ?I don't think that is good enough to sell the concept, make someone want to read the script, make the movie. ?Particularly as the story will inevitably be compared to the movie?"Collateral" (2004).IMHO, the implicit promise of the premisRead more

    >>> struggles to survive

    His goal is only to survive? ?I don’t think that is good enough to sell the concept, make someone want to read the script, make the movie. ?Particularly as the story will inevitably be compared to the movie?“Collateral” (2004).

    IMHO, the implicit promise of the premise needs to be that the an ordinary guy must rise to the occasion and do extraordinary deeds, a timid schmuck must become a brave hero to save the stake characters, the terrorist’s target victims. ?Nothing less will get the script read, the movie made.

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