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When a modest, hard-working father discovers his daughter is dying, he approaches his corrupt uncle to help him find money for her treatments.
The logline has the potential for an interesting dramatic dilemma, but it needs clarity and specificity.For example, the treatments need to be characterized as "life saving". ?(Because they could be just palliative.)More important, ?the logline needs to state what the offer is the uncle makes that "Read more
The logline has the potential for an interesting dramatic dilemma, but it needs clarity and specificity.
For example, the treatments need to be characterized as “life saving”. ?(Because they could be just palliative.)
More important, ?the logline needs to state what the offer is the uncle makes that “he can’t refuse”? ?What does the uncle tell him he has to do to get/earn the money he needs? Because ?the uncle isn’t going to give it to him gratis without strings attached. ?So what are the strings, what are the conditions? ? What must he do to save his daughter’s life?
Don’t bury the hook. ?The hook of the story is not that a law-abiding man has to go begging to a corrupt uncle. ?The hook is his assignment, what he must do that compromises his principles and puts his own life at risk. ?Well, what is that hook?
See lessA post-Christchurch earthquake troubled teenager faces the choice of remaining in her accident-induced coma and the fantasy world she has created, or finding a reason to return to her beloved broken city.
This logline sets up a situation for a plot-- ingredients for Act 1. ?But it doesn't follow through with a ? plot -- the material for Acts 2 & 3.A plot is about a protagonist who is proactive,? ?In Act 1 she "faces choices". ?At the end of Act 1, ?she makes a choice that commits her to a courseRead more
This logline sets up a situation for a plot– ingredients for Act 1. ?But it doesn’t follow through with a ? plot — the material for Acts 2 & 3.
A plot is about a protagonist who is proactive,? ?In Act 1 she “faces choices”. ?At the end of Act 1, ?she makes a choice that commits her to a course of action, not more wavering, not more indecision. ?She decides and does. ?The action and consequences of that choice — for better or worse– constitute the struggle of Act 2 to be resolved in Act 3.
So given the choices your character faces, what does she actually decide to do at the end of Act 1? ?What becomes her objective goal? ?And ho/what opposes her in her struggle for that goal ?- what is her primary source of conflict?
See lessAn indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.
I agree with Nir Shelter. ? A?protagonist needs to be proactive, but in this case, the logline only reveals a ?character who is?acted upon rather than acting, a victim of others rather than a active ?agent of his own life. Given the situation, what becomes his objective goal? ?What does he intend toRead more
I agree with Nir Shelter. ? A?protagonist needs to be proactive, but in this case, the logline only reveals a ?character who is?acted upon rather than acting, a victim of others rather than a active ?agent of his own life.
Given the situation, what becomes his objective goal? ?What does he intend to do about the predicament he finds himself in?
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