You may not like it but at least “steal his girl” ?is a specific goal. ?It has obvious visuals. And it’s what he wants to accomplish, isn’t it? ?Isn’t that the end result of “winning her heart”?

On the other hand, “take on the scheming bully” isn’t specific. ?It’s vague. ?What exactly, specifically, precisely does that mean? ?What’s the visual on “take on” that clues the audience that he has succeeded?

And there is nothing in that statement to indicate that his intention is to get the girl. And that is really what he wants, isn’t it? ?If so, then “take on” — however that translates into action — is merely a means to that end, to that objective goal.

I’m going to “restrain myself” and say as little as possible (hah! as if!) until I re-view “What Women Want” which Lars has said is his model for this story.

“Except” to say that I think Dkpough1 ?does have a point that the kid needs “skin in the game”. ?Nick has skin in the game in ?”What Women Want”; he feels he has been injured, that he is the victim, a man who has been deprived of the promotion he deserves by a woman. It’s ?personal.

This version of the logline says his rival is a bully, but it doesn’t say the kid is the bully’s victim. The kid doesn’t seem to have any skin the game. ?It’s not personal between him and the bully.

(Also, why would the kid want a girl who hangs out with, who is attracted to a bully? ?That he would find desirable someone attracted to a boy with positive social status, like the star quarterback or captain of the basketball team, yes. ?That’s obvious — ?but to a girl who hangs with a bully? Actually, I don’t think that has to be a problem if you’ve properly worked out his motivation, but some logline readers might stumble over that. Just saying.)