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After he magically starts visualizing the desires of any female he touches, a girl-shy teen gets the chance to win his dream girl away from a Machiavellian bully.
Don't' forget to include the bully as the aggressive agent in the inciting incident to explain why the teen goes after his girlfriend. So, something likeWhen a brutal beating by the school bully causes a hapless teen to start visualizing what girls really desire, he uses the ?inside information? toRead more
Don’t’ forget to include the bully as the aggressive agent in the inciting incident to explain why the teen goes after his girlfriend.
So, something like
When a brutal beating by the school bully causes a hapless teen to start visualizing what girls really desire, he uses the ?inside information? to steal the bully?s girlfriend.
Again, we don’t know how it causes the visualization. ?It just does — part of the magic.
Anyway, ?I think this is a winner, a movie I want to see. ?Which is why I give the concept a thumbs up vote.
Best wishes with your story.?
See lessAfter he magically starts visualizing the desires of any female he touches, a girl-shy teen gets the chance to win his dream girl away from a Machiavellian bully.
As Dpough1 correctly noted, my version rolls up ?both plot elements -- the bullying and the magic -- into the inciting incident. ?It's a twofer, a two for one.>>>>because it doesn?t explain that the power directly results from the beating.It doesn't have to. ?There is no rational explanaRead more
As Dpough1 correctly noted, my version rolls up ?both plot elements — the bullying and the magic — into the inciting incident. ?It’s a twofer, a two for one.
>>>>because it doesn?t explain that the power directly results from the beating.
It doesn’t have to. ?There is no rational explanation for how Nick acquires his magic ability to hear what women think after being shocked by electricity. ?None is offered in the movie, right?
It’s just happens.
And ?the movie gets away with it because in the 1st Act, and only in the 1st Act, ?the audience is willing to suspend disbelief, to allow you to set up any kind of deviation from reality the story needs.
I have idea, no explanation for how the teen acquires the magic as a result of being thrashed by the bully. The story doesn’t need to have a pseudo-rational explanation. ?It just needs to have the magic happen.
So maybe, add the word “mysterious”
When a hapless teen ?mysteriously starts to visualize what girls really desire after being brutally beaten up by the school bully…
I am speechless.
?
See lessAt the Battle of Pyramids, when Napoleon cannons the face of the Sphinx, its stirred resident demon begins a journey of invisible revenge on his troops one by one until it finds him in his lonely island prison
The logline lacks the human factor, a person for the audience to empathize with and root for. Is there a good guy or gal in this story? ?Or do you expect the audience to root for the demon? ?Is the demon the protagonist?Also, where's the dramatic tension, the suspense in the premise? ?It seems to beRead more
The logline lacks the human factor, a person for the audience to empathize with and root for. Is there a good guy or gal in this story? ?Or do you expect the audience to root for the demon? ?Is the demon the protagonist?
Also, where’s the dramatic tension, the suspense in the premise? ?It seems to be a rigged match, ?powerful demon versus mere mortals. ?The fix is in: the ?plot seems to throw the match in favor of the demon from the git go. ?Where’s the ?suspense in that?
Also the logline buries the lead, the inciting incident (“cannons blast off the face of the Sphinx of Giza”) and has a spoiler, gives away the ending (“finally wasting him in his lonely island prison”) which is something a logline should never do.
fwiw
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