1. Posted: January 23, 2017In:

    When a man quits his job to get married, only to have his proposal curiously rejected by his girlfriend, he secretly hires a journalist to help him investigate.

    dpg Singularity

    Why must he quit his job to get married? How can he afford to hire someone to investigate if he's unemployed?

    Why must he quit his job to get married?

    How can he afford to hire someone to investigate if he’s unemployed?

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  2. Posted: January 24, 2017In:

    Commander in Tweet: When a Muslim high school hacker successfully trolls a social media obsessed president a real terrorist group forces him to impersonate the leader of an Islamic state and launch a fake attack on the US to provoke a nuclear response and start WWIII. (43 words)

    dpg Singularity

    I fail to see how this is a comedic premise, but that aside, the logline casts the kid as?a villain, or at least as victim of others rather than a (heroic) agent of his own fate. Loglines are about people who become agents of their own fate in spite of adverse circumstances thrust upon them.Ergo, thRead more

    I fail to see how this is a comedic premise, but that aside, the logline casts the kid as?a villain, or at least as victim of others rather than a (heroic) agent of his own fate. Loglines are about people who become agents of their own fate in spite of adverse circumstances thrust upon them.

    Ergo, the logline needs to state his freely chosen objective goal in spite of the coercion. ?How does he intend to defy and defeat the conspiracy?

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  3. Posted: January 21, 2017In:

    When an agoraphobic author meets his dream girl, a country star, he starts a therapy to join her in public, but a meltdown on live TV reopens old wounds of his deceased love.

    dpg Singularity

    I think agoraphobia would be in interesting character vulnerability to explore.BUT:1]I still have trouble buying into the setup. ?As I mentioned earlier, in another thread, if she?s a pop star why would she resort to an online dating service to find a guy when her celebrity status would make it ?easRead more

    I think agoraphobia would be in interesting character vulnerability to explore.

    BUT:

    1]I still have trouble buying into the setup. ?As I mentioned earlier, in another thread, if she?s a pop star why would she resort to an online dating service to find a guy when her celebrity status would make it ?easy for her to ?hook up with any guy she wanted to in the off-line world?

    2] And “?meltdown on live TV reopens old wounds of his deceased love.” seems to be an unnecessary pile on of psychological issues. ?Agoraphobia by itself presents more than enough complications to their relationship. ?More than enough problems to flesh out a script.

    For example, ?his agoraphobia presents obstacles for her to overcome. ?As a hypothetical: ?suppose she’s a romantic who in the lyrics of the songs she sings, that love can conquer all. ?But in the real world, love can’t conquer a disorder like agoraphobia. ?Come to find out, ?her love for him isn’t going to magically “cure” him of his symptoms. ?Maybe in decades gone by a movie could get away with that kind of “and they lived happily ever after” FADE OUT but contemporary audiences are more sophisticated (and cynical?)

    So, in that hypothetical scenario, her character arc might be to learn acceptance: ?she realizes she’s going to have to learn to live with the bad as well as love the good about him, embrace his flaw as well as ?his virtues.

    I suggest you explore in your brainstorming all the ways his agoraphobia threatens to defeat the relationship and build a plot according. ?As I said, I think there are more than enough dramatic problems, hence possibilities for a plot, in his character vulnerability. ?I see no need to pile on with an ghost from the past” issue which in this case seems totally unrelated to his agoraphobia. ?I suggest the KISS (Keep It Simple Screenwriter) principle applies: to wit, define and focus the logline (and script) on ?the central problem in the drama, his agoraphobia.

    fwiw

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