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Your body is the asset, Social class is the Pyramid Scheme. California is the Guinea Pig & Chance is the Prodigal Son.
So.... what's the plot? ?Who is the protagonist? ?What is his/her objective goal? ?What's at stake? The logline reads more like a teaser than a logline. ?Please review "Formula" at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to write and industry standard logline.
So…. what’s the plot? ?Who is the protagonist? ?What is his/her objective goal? ?What’s at stake?
The logline reads more like a teaser than a logline. ?Please review “Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to write and industry standard logline.
See lessI mixed two loglines I’ve had before and wrote the one below. What do you think? Thanks for your feedback and help so far! It helped me a lot! – “When an agoraphobe student from New York City falls for a pop star, he must overcome his fear in public or lose her forever.”
What's the chemistry, the mutual attraction, that binds this odd couple to each other? ? ?What does she see in this guy that would attract him to her ?in spite of his agoraphobia? ? Why does she fall for him? ?(IOW: ?what's his character virtue in spite of his character flaw?)Sshe's got all these faRead more
What’s the chemistry, the mutual attraction, that binds this odd couple to each other? ? ?What does she see in this guy that would attract him to her ?in spite of his agoraphobia? ? Why does she fall for him? ?(IOW: ?what’s his character virtue in spite of his character flaw?)
Sshe’s got all these fan boys to choose from, right? Why would she notice him, let alone be attracted? ?What does he have that they don’t that makes him stand out from the herd, that?gets her attention and interest?
And what makes his being from New York City relevant to his plot predicament? ?Does it mean that’s where he’s from — but the story takes place somewhere else? ?Or does it mean he’s Big Apple native and that’s also where the story takes place? ?(And is it really necessary for the purpose of the logline to know where he’s from or where the story takes place?)
See lessRequesting critical feedback
How can he write if he's in an "illusive locked coma"-- an illusive description of a coma? (That's what "literary gift" means, doesn't it, that he has a gift for writing? ?Or does it refer to something else?) And what does "relies on cyber eccentric fiction" mean? I don't understand what his medicalRead more
How can he write if he’s in an “illusive locked coma”– an illusive description of a coma? (That’s what “literary gift” means, doesn’t it, that he has a gift for writing? ?Or does it refer to something else?) And what does “relies on cyber eccentric fiction” mean?
I don’t understand what his medical problem is. Nor do I understand what the therapy is. ?I suggest the description of his problem and his therapy needs clarification.
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