1. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.

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    dpg Singularity

    I think there is? a nucleus of an interesting idea in the logline.But I agree with mrliteral that whatever that nucleus is needs to be brought into sharper focus.? Check out the screenwriting forluma.

    I think there is? a nucleus of an interesting idea in the logline.

    But I agree with mrliteral that whatever that nucleus is needs to be brought into sharper focus.? Check out the screenwriting forluma.

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  2. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    When an teenager becomes insecure about her boyfriend’s friendship with their female road-trip companion, she decides to make him jealous by inviting a dangerous hitchhiker along for the ride.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with mrliteral.I look askance at stories where the inciting incident or a major plot pivot depends on a character doing something that's just plain stupid, that doesn't make sense.?How does she know that picking up a sinister stranger will make her boyfriend jealous?? Make him anxious, worriedRead more

    Agree with mrliteral.

    I look askance at stories where the inciting incident or a major plot pivot depends on a character doing something that’s just plain stupid, that doesn’t make sense.?

    How does she know that picking up a sinister stranger will make her boyfriend jealous?? Make him anxious, worried — oh, yeah.? But jealous??

    ?

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  3. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.

    dpg Singularity

    As Trix said.The logline should lead off with the woman, the protagonist, as the victim not the man as the victimizer.? The woman as protagonist is the point of view character so the logline should be framed that way,? from her point of view.? She should be the clear subject of the sentence.And a plRead more

    As Trix said.

    The logline should lead off with the woman, the protagonist, as the victim not the man as the victimizer.? The woman as protagonist is the point of view character so the logline should be framed that way,? from her point of view.? She should be the clear subject of the sentence.

    And a plot (and logline) is not about deciding to decide between X and Y.? Loglines are about the decision made, the course of action taken.

    And I suggest the logline include where the story is set, the country? and/or culture.? Because in modern societies, doping, raping and forced marriages are not just unacceptable, they are criminal acts.

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