1. Posted: November 24, 2016In:

    Set up by her serial killer nemesis, an alcoholic detective comes under suspicion and must fight to remain in control of her investigation, her sanity and her freedom.

    dpg Singularity

    "Remain in control of her investigation, her sanity and her freedom" may be necessary measures for her to achieve her objective goal. ?But ?singularly or collectively they do not constitute her objective goal. ?Her objective goal is to apprehend the murderer and exonerate her name, right?And "remainRead more

    “Remain in control of her investigation, her sanity and her freedom” may be necessary measures for her to achieve her objective goal. ?But ?singularly or collectively they do not constitute her objective goal. ?Her objective goal is to apprehend the murderer and exonerate her name, right?

    And “remain in control of her sanity”? ?Alcoholics by definition have lost control of their ability to drink, are acting out ?of alcohol-induced ‘insanity’. ?So I’m guessing she’s got to sober up — get sane — in order to achieve her objective goal.

    I suggest you leverage more directly her character vulnerability, her alcoholism, for the plot. For instance, ?she’s so far down the path of alcoholism that she goes on binges while off duty, ?suffers from memory blackouts, comes to in places with no idea what ?happened, how she got there.

    So after an epic binge while off duty, ?she comes to after a black out beside a horribly mutilated dead body. ?With her fingerprints all over the crime scene.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: November 25, 2016In:

    When hunting season nears for the 20th time in his career, a miserable assassin enrolls in his pregnant wife?s yoga and pilates class to rediscover a desire to kill.

    dpg Singularity

    The logline would benefit from a more specific objective goal and stakes. Like he needs to reconnect with his love for killing because he's just been given the biggest contract and most dangerous target of his career, the one that will enable him to retire and focus his life on being a family man.

    The logline would benefit from a more specific objective goal and stakes. Like he needs to reconnect with his love for killing because he’s just been given the biggest contract and most dangerous target of his career, the one that will enable him to retire and focus his life on being a family man.

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  3. Posted: November 22, 2016In:

    When a witch who is also a medical doctor is left with three days to raise his daughter from the dead, he enlists the help of an ameteur witch who has three days to save her mother from a deadly disease.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Dkpough1:I noted the contrast between daughter and mother but didn't know what to make of it terms of the story.My primary issues is that I think there has to be a good reason why ?the daughter needs to be resurrected . (And the mother saved.) ?Unfinished business, a wrong to be rectified, an injustRead more

    Dkpough1:

    I noted the contrast between daughter and mother but didn’t know what to make of it terms of the story.

    My primary issues is that I think there has to be a good reason why ?the daughter needs to be resurrected . (And the mother saved.) ?Unfinished business, a wrong to be rectified, an injustice remedied, a broken relationship mended — whatever. I don’t think that the grief of ?personal loss is sufficient for dramatic purposes.

    And achieving the objective goal ?should have unintended consequences: be careful what you wish for. ?(In keeping with the genre assigned to the concept: thriller.)

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