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About to become a father, a former contender turned getaway driver decides to go legit when an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career threatens to kill his family to force him to do one last heist ? one that comes with the ultimate price.
As Richiev said. The protagonist is still being cast as a mere pawn of the kingpin. If all he has to do to win ?his freedom is do what the kingpin forces him to do then he may be liberated , but he's only a liberated pawn. He's done nothing more than what someone else forced him to do.What does he hRead more
As Richiev said. The protagonist is still being cast as a mere pawn of the kingpin. If all he has to do to win ?his freedom is do what the kingpin forces him to do then he may be liberated , but he’s only a liberated pawn. He’s done nothing more than what someone else forced him to do.
What does he have to do to win his freedom with dignity — become his own person instead of someone else’s liberated pawn?
Also, in the various versions, you make a point saying that the last heist is one that?”comes with the ultimate price.” ?What does that mean?. ?I’m assuming it’s one that so risky, he’s likely to die. Well, I shouldn’t have to guess.
The fact that you keep mentioning the nature of the heist seems to indicate — I’m guessing again — that it’s ?the most dangerous job he’s ever had to do.. ?What makes it the most dangerous? ?
I dunno. ?But — and here I go guessing again — the peculiar and perilous nature of the last heist seems to be the hook of the story in your mind. ?This is the part of the story that really, really interests you, that fascinates you, that you not only want to but must dramatize.
Well, if that is the case, the hook in the story for you probably needs to be the hook for the rest of us. ?But since we don’t know what the hook is , we don’t have anything for out minds to “bite” on.
And, of course, I could be totally missing the point of your story, what the hook is supposed to be. ?I’m basing my conjectures on what I read (and don’t read) in the logline.
fwiw.
See lessa negligent mother must find her daughter’s soul and bring her back from a mythical white forest before the soul detached completely from the body. Possible Title : “White Woods”
The ticking clock by Richiev is a good addition. My take is: After her daughter slips into a coma, a desperate mother has three days to travel to the mythical white?forest and retrieve her soul. (24 words)
The ticking clock by Richiev is a good addition. My take is:
After her daughter slips into a coma, a desperate mother has three days to travel to the mythical white?forest and retrieve her soul.
See less(24 words)
When a former contender turned getaway driver finds love and tries to go legit, an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin who once derailed his boxing career threatens the mother of his unborn child to make him do one last job ? one that comes with the ultimate price.
In all the versions of the story, the main character comes off as a victim of circumstances and the hapless pawn of ?the kingpin. I would not characterize him as a protagonist because a protagonist is proactive -- not reactive, not passive, ?not the victim, never the victor.Will main character everRead more
In all the versions of the story, the main character comes off as a victim of circumstances and the hapless pawn of ?the kingpin. I would not characterize him as a protagonist because a protagonist is proactive — not reactive, not passive, ?not the victim, never the victor.
Will main character ever man up, stop being a loser, a pawn, defy the kingpin and become the master of his own fate?
If that is what this story is supposed to be about, then that is how the logline needs to be framed. ? It needs to be framed in terms of how he intends to defy and and take down the kingpin, become master of his own fate. How his character arcs from being a victim to a victor.
fwiw
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