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A college dropout turn travel agent living in Manhattan is faking his way through life. He receives news that his family’s dilapidated farm in Outback Australia, is facing foreclosure. Desperate to save the farm and fulfill his dream, he books an ageing reality TV star a vacation there, passing it off as a five-star resort. He and his family scramble to hide the truth, as they try to snag an investment from the celebrity.
Yep, too much backstory.What, specifically, is the dream he hopes to fulfill by duping an investor? ?I'm guessing it has something to do with running a resort himself. ?But I shouldn't have to guess.?
Yep, too much backstory.
What, specifically, is the dream he hopes to fulfill by duping an investor? ?I’m guessing it has something to do with running a resort himself. ?But I shouldn’t have to guess.?
See less?A once-promising former boxer turns to highline crime to provide for his cancer-stricken mother. But when an Aryan Brotherhood kingpin threatens to kill her and the mother of his unborn child, he must find a way out while keeping his family safe.
What Richiev said. ? Loglines are only about the main "A" story moving forward from the inciting incident.I get it that you're trying to cast a character who makes a bad choice (dealing drugs) with the best of ?intentions (pay for his mom's medical expenses). ?He's not such a bad guy, just a flawedRead more
What Richiev said. ? Loglines are only about the main “A” story moving forward from the inciting incident.
I get it that you’re trying to cast a character who makes a bad choice (dealing drugs) with the best of ?intentions (pay for his mom’s medical expenses). ?He’s not such a bad guy, just a flawed one.
?But that’s all in the back story before the plot of the film begins. ?Which means it doesn’t belong in a logline because a logline is only concerned about the plot moving forward, not the backstory looking backwards.
And now he’s trying to get out, go straight ?Why NOW? ? What does his wanting to quit have to do with the kingpin wanting him killed? ?What’s the causal connection? ?Is he trying to get because the kingpin wants him killed? Or is the kingpin out to kill him because he wants to get out of the business?
?Or is it something else that incites the kingpin to want to kill him? ?What’s the real inciting incident? ?For the purpose of a logline (and plot) whatever starts the fight to the finish with the kingpin — that’s the inciting incident. ?Everything else is backstory and prologue.
See lessAn overly curious high-school boy, has to reveal the killer of a flawless homicide, with his newfound psychic power, before the murderer, who also possess such power, finds him first and kills him along with his family, in a run and chase in both sub-concious and physical world.
"Reveal the killer"-- what does that mean? ?Reveal to who? ?His girl friend? ?His parents? ?The school principal? ?Post it on Facebook? ?Twitter? ?Or go to ?the police? ?I'm guessing the last so just say so.?But does that mean that after discovering the presence and powers of the killer, it's goingRead more
“Reveal the killer”– what does that mean? ?Reveal to who? ?His girl friend? ?His parents? ?The school principal? ?Post it on Facebook? ?Twitter? ?Or go to ?the police? ?I’m guessing the last so just say so.
?But does that mean that after discovering the presence and powers of the killer, it’s going to take him the entire 2nd Act, 60 pages or more, to do ?what it’s so obvious he should do by page 30? What is ?his objective goal that drives the entire 2nd Act. What is the story really about? ?What’s your hook?
Based on your loglines, I’m guessing you are particularly interested in stories with a strong psychological focus, intrapsychic conflicts. ?And that’s cool. ?So am I. ? The hook for me in this story is the promise of the premise to deliver scenes of?a “run and chase in both sub-conscious and physical world.” ?That is a film I would like to see.
But to get it made you will need to get your script read. ?And to get it read you need ?a logline ?with a clear and compelling statement of his objective ?goal. ?What he needs to do externally do prevail internally.
Stripped down to the bare bones essence, what , in 30 words or less,?is this story all about?
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