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In 2050 L.A., a detective accused of murder must clear her name by catching the real suspect: a famous actress cloned from her DNA. MINORITY REPORT meets ORPHAN BLACK.
I confused. ?Please clarify. ?Do you mean to say that she initially goes after the wrong clone? ??IOW: the actress is a dramatic decoy, a false lead. ?That's what the entire 2nd Act is about, following a dramatic dead end? ?Because the action described in a logline triggered by the inciting accidentRead more
I confused. ?Please clarify. ?Do you mean to say that she initially goes after the wrong clone? ??IOW: the actress is a dramatic decoy, a false lead. ?That’s what the entire 2nd Act is about, following a dramatic dead end? ?
Because the action described in a logline triggered by the inciting accident is always understood to be what the entire 2nd Act is about.
See lessWhen a man discovers his girlfriend?s heinous secret, he?s forced to turn her in before she strikes again. He creates an elaborate scheme centered around a romantic dinner, but realizes that she?s always a step ahead of him.
The revised logline doesn't ?say that his girfriend is the culprit, ergo, someone who needs to be arrested. ?It just says he's discovered a cover-up.Both their roles in the company are unclear. ?First you say it "his company" than you ID her as the "sole investor". ? (???)Also taken at face value, tRead more
The revised logline doesn’t ?say that his girfriend is the culprit, ergo, someone who needs to be arrested. ?It just says he’s discovered a cover-up.
Both their roles in the company are unclear. ?First you say it “his company” than you ID her as the “sole investor”. ? (???)
Also taken at face value, the logline says that the entirety of the 2nd Act — the bulk of the movie –is about staging the romantic dinner. ?Really? ? And if she turns herself in, that’s it, the end of the movie? ?
Or is it just the next step he takes after discovering the cover-up which will lead to many more steps, many other scenes that culminate in a climax and denouement?
If the romantic dinner is just the next step to be followed by many more steps and scenes, then the logline should focus on his over-arching objective goal? ?What is it? ?To?merely to cover his rear end? ?What about the organ trafficing ring? ?Doesn’t he want to stop that?
See lessIn 2050 L.A., a detective accused of murder must clear her name by catching the real suspect: a famous actress cloned from her DNA. MINORITY REPORT meets ORPHAN BLACK.
I think it's a pretty solid and clear concept.Three minor suggestions:1] "Culprit" instead of "suspect" because she doesn't have a suspect when she starts her investigation. (Does she?) ?Only the need to find and ID a culprit, an unidentified perp.2] There is no need for "Minority Report meets OrphaRead more
I think it’s a pretty solid and clear concept.
Three minor suggestions:
1] “Culprit” instead of “suspect” because she doesn’t have a suspect when she starts her investigation. (Does she?) ?Only the need to find and ID a culprit, an unidentified perp.
2] There is no need for “Minority Report meets Orphan Black”. ?Ye hoary ?”X meets Y” gimmick is discouraged in loglines; it’s better saved for the pitch. ?In loglines, a concept should be strong enough to stand on its own without ?explicitly referencing other films. ?And ?I think this one is strong enough.
3] I see no need to include “famous actress” in the logline . ?I presume the ?ID of the culprit , that it’s a “famous actress”, is the late 2nd Act Big Reveal, and loglines should not contain spoilers, give away Big Reveals. ?The logline should state her objective goal based only on what she knows at the start of the 2nd Act. ?
So:
In 2050 L.A., a detective accused of murder must clear her name by finding the real culprit, a woman cloned from her DNA.
See less(23 words)