1. Posted: October 1, 2016In:

    A hacker must shut down the latest social media craze, The MindNet, after illegally connecting his mind with network?s creator and discovering a plan to use the MindNet as a means of population control.

    dpg Singularity

    It's an intriguing concept. ?And a timely one given the rapid evolution of the technology for social media and cloud services. ?Unfortunately, it's challenging one to condense into a pithy logline. I use a template to compose my own loglines and decompose others for analysis and polishing. ?Here's hRead more

    It’s an intriguing concept. ?And a timely one given the rapid evolution of the technology for social media and cloud services. ?Unfortunately, it’s challenging one to condense into a pithy logline.

    I use a template to compose my own loglines and decompose others for analysis and polishing. ?Here’s how your logline breaks down for me:

    Question: Answer:
    What is the hook? In the future consciousness can be directly shared on the MindNet cloud
    Who is the protagonist? A Hacker
    What is his character strength? Hacking chops
    What is his character flaw weakness? Socially inept. But it seems extranesous, a throw away in relation to the objective goal. The primary purpose of the character flaw is to increase dramatic tension by making it more difficult for the protagonist to achieve the objective goal. How being socially inept offsets his hacking chops — the character strength he needs and has — is not obvious.
    What is the inciting incident (II)? Hacks mind of the creator just as he’s killed. He witnesses the crime.
    What becomes his objective goal (OG)? Shut down MindNet.? But there seems to be a missing causal link: how does the hacker know the motive of the killers? Could the killers not be digital vigilantes trying to stop the conspiracy by killing its Creator, take down the MindNew? How does he know they are killing the Creator to seize control?? Or is the case that his original OG is to identify and apprehend the killers?? And in the process, there is the Big Reveal moment when he stumbles upon the conspiracy, their real motives?
    Is the choice forced or voluntary? Voluntary.? No one’s pointing a gun at his head. Not a force majeure event.
    Why? What are the stakes? Human autonomy, liberty.
    What is the subjective need? None apparent that complicates achieving the objective goal. To repeat: it’s not obvious how a lack of social skills handicaps his ability to achieve his objective goal. What he seems to need is hacking chops and he has them.
    Who is the antagonist? Killers? (Vaguely defined)
    What is the ticking clock? Must succeed before they seize control of global consciousness and the world.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: September 26, 2016In:

    When an elder crime boss sits down with a younger crime boss, at a poker game, he must carefully find a way to avoid a gang war and keep everyone at the game calm.

    dpg Singularity

    Like Eethan, I can see the poker game as the setup for a plot. ?Either the protagonist maintains the peace or he doesn't. ?If he maintains the peace,?what's there left to fight about, what's the conflict driving the story? ?If he doesn't, what happens next? ?What becomes the dramatic action that driRead more

    Like Eethan, I can see the poker game as the setup for a plot. ?Either the protagonist maintains the peace or he doesn’t. ?If he maintains the peace,?what’s there left to fight about, what’s the conflict driving the story? ?If he doesn’t, what happens next? ?What becomes the dramatic action that drives the rest of the plot? ?What becomes his objective goal?

    Also, what particular ethnic group(s) constitute the competing gangs??

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  3. Posted: September 27, 2016In:

    When the wildest gunslinger in the west is wanted dead, an underemployed ranch-hand sets out to capture him alive for the biggest cash reward.

    dpg Singularity

    Is this a western in a comedy vein or is it being played out with a straight face? ?Only if it is the former, can I kind of buy into the premise; he's underemployed for good reason -- he's a fool. ?Otherwise, as Richiev said, the motivation doesn't seem causally commensurate with the risk.

    Is this a western in a comedy vein or is it being played out with a straight face? ?Only if it is the former, can I kind of buy into the premise; he’s underemployed for good reason — he’s a fool. ?Otherwise, as Richiev said, the motivation doesn’t seem causally commensurate with the risk.

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