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After a giant cube appears in the sky, a group of school kids set out to uncover why everyone is in complete denial over a potential alien threat.
As Nir Shelter said. ? It's better to focus on one principal character as the ?protagonist, the driver of the plot. ?The other kids are along for the ride. The manifestation of a giant cube would be unusual, a cause for consternation, to be sure -- but how does the protagonist know it's a threat wheRead more
As Nir Shelter said. ? It’s better to focus on one principal character as the ?protagonist, the driver of the plot. ?The other kids are along for the ride.
The manifestation of a giant cube would be unusual, a cause for consternation, to be sure — but how does the protagonist know it’s a threat when no one else does (or seems to worry about a threat)? And what is the nature of the threat?
See lessWhen a struggling college student develops several mental illnesses and delusions as a result of his cheating girlfriend, he is put on the path of recovery when he forms an unlikely bond with a suicide attempt survivor.
A protagonist should be ?proactive. ?The main character in this logline seems reactive, weak, and emotionally dependent on others. ?One woman drives him crazy; another rescues him from his craziness. ?How appealing is that to male viewers, let alone female ones?"Several mental illnesses" (??) ?LikeRead more
A protagonist should be ?proactive. ?The main character in this logline seems reactive, weak, and emotionally dependent on others. ?One woman drives him crazy; another rescues him from his craziness. ?How appealing is that to male viewers, let alone female ones?
“Several mental illnesses” (??) ?Like what, specifically? ?And what is the “path of recovery” — what is his specific objective goal to ?acquire “sanity”? ?And develop mature agency– taking responsibility and control for his own emotional state?
See lessWhen a black teenager is murdered, two homicide detectives struggle to set aside their differences as racial tensions erupt in 1990’s New Orleans.
The objective goal is to solve the murder. ?The strained relationship is a complicating factor; they must resolve that complication to achieve their objective goal.As originally written, the logline is a plot with co-protagonists who come with an array of ingredients for a spicy ?gumbo of a workingRead more
The objective goal is to solve the murder. ?The strained relationship is a complicating factor; they must resolve that complication to achieve their objective goal.
As originally written, the logline is a plot with co-protagonists who come with an array of ingredients for a spicy ?gumbo of a working relationship: ?white vs black, female versus male, ambitious rookie versus seasoned veteran. ?More ingredients, perhaps, than can be crammed into a concise logline.
The question I ask myself is : which of the two has the stronger, longer character arc? ? Who has the most to overcome externally and grow internally to achieve the objective goal? ?Whoever it is, perhaps, ought to be the primary protagonist.
I’m inclined to tag the veteran Black detective as a mentor character. He may not be perfect, but he is clearly more experienced and has acquired more street smarts. ?The female detective needs him more than he needs her. ?In fact, initially he probably would ?think he?doesn’t?needs her at all — doesn’t want her at all because she brings more liabilities than assets to the partnership.
Her task, then, in terms of their relationship is to prove she’s a worthy partner as she pursues the objective goal. ?So I’m inclined to suggest refocusing the logline around the female detective.
fwiw
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