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When rape victim Jasmina James escapes her captor, it sparks a series of events that lead to the arrest of America’s most notorious black serial killer, Anthony Sowell.? Inspired by true events.
"Based upon a true story" or "inspired by a true story" can help, may even be necessary, when the logline is about a character, a story that seems too improbable, too absurd to be credible. ?(I'm using it in a logline for current script in progress.) ?However, I don't see how it adds anything to thiRead more
“Based upon a true story” or “inspired by a true story” can help, may even be necessary, when the logline is about a character, a story that seems too improbable, too absurd to be credible. ?(I’m using it in a logline for current script in progress.) ?However, I don’t see how it adds anything to this version of the logline.
And I am wary about describing him as “America’s most notorious black serial killer”. ?I suggest referring to him as one of America’s most notorious serial killers and let it go at that. ?The script (and logline) should ?be strong enough to stand on the legs of the character and the story. ?His race should be incidental.
fwiw
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See lessA young reporter and her Olympian interview subject clash when she digs into his past to reinvestigate the notorious murder she believes his father was wrongly convicted for ? a murder for which he pled guilty.
What's the story about? ?The clash between the reporter and the athlete? ?Or is the story about the reporter's struggle to uncover the truth about the murder and why the father pleaded guilty?What's her objective goal? ?To mend relations with the athlete or get to the bottom of the murder?I'm guessiRead more
What’s the story about? ?The clash between the reporter and the athlete? ?Or is the story about the reporter’s struggle to uncover the truth about the murder and why the father pleaded guilty?
What’s her objective goal? ?To mend relations with the athlete or get to the bottom of the murder?
I’m guessing the latter and ?so suggest the logline be reworked to focus on her investigation. ? Loglines are about the most important?dramatic problem, the action that drives the plot. ?The conflict with the athlete seems to be an aggravating ?and complicating issue, ?but not the most important dramatic problem ?(And, no doubt, there is a Big Reveal that explains why he is so upset at her digging into the case. )
fwiw
See lessIn order to fit in, a group of fresh-faced college students join a quirky, offbeat club about spreading positivity that regularly forces them out of their comfort zones.
Mac17:I suggest "Desperate to fit in..." rather than "In order to fit in..." in order to establish the intensity of her need. ?And "driven but socially inept..." (or something similar) rather than just "driven..." because ?"driven" alone doesn't convey a sense of the character flaw that motivates heRead more
Mac17:
I suggest “Desperate to fit in…” rather than “In order to fit in…” in order to establish the intensity of her need. ?And “driven but socially inept…” (or something similar) rather than just “driven…” because ?”driven” alone doesn’t convey a sense of the character flaw that motivates her action to form the club — and the flaw that threatens to frustrate her efforts at every turn.
I’m not sure how ?”spreading positivity” translates into specific scenes and incidents. ?Could you give me a few examples.
And is “forcing members into awkward social situations” a conscious intention, or an unintended consequence?
To address CraigDGriffiths review, ?it seems to me that the stakes are clear and legitimate and important to the characters. ?The misfits are desperate to find social acceptance by their peers.
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