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An abstinent high-school graduate heading for college doesn?t want to say goodbye to his friends but must confront those friends he avoided for that same reason after he lifted a shop, tried drugs and had sex with his friend?s sister.
Like the others, I can't make sense of the logline. ?How can he be "abstinent" and yet have "sex with his friend's sister"?
Like the others, I can’t make sense of the logline. ?How can he be “abstinent” and yet have “sex with his friend’s sister”?
See lessAn orphaned young woman discovers she’s only half human when an Alien warrior is unleashed on earth to destroy the only weapon capable of stopping the forthcoming invasion, her.
Rather than "high school senior" I suggest teenager. ?Saves 2 words, says essentially the same thing. ?Of course, you're going to have to commit to a specific age in the script -- but "teenager" is good enough for the logline. I'm more inclined toward "person" than "weapon". ?I assume you selected "Read more
Rather than “high school senior” I suggest teenager. ?Saves 2 words, says essentially the same thing. ?Of course, you’re going to have to commit to a specific age in the script — but “teenager” is good enough for the logline.
I’m more inclined toward “person” than “weapon”. ?I assume you selected “weapon” because you want to convey the sense of her latent powers. ? She may be a hybrid but she’s has emotions, thoughts, hopes and dreams similar to the rest of us, right? ?So she would be the only person who can stop the invasion.
Which got me to thinking: she’s that much of a threat to the alien invasion — and they only send one alien to kill her? ?To insure the success of the mission, wouldn’t they send an entire “death squad”? ? Although there was an alpha-Agent, Smith, pursuing Neo in “The Matrix”, he was leading a team. ?That’s the measure of the threat he posed to the Matrix.
In all this recent feedback, alas, I haven’t presented an alternative logline. ?My mind is still processing one. ?Suffice it to say, this is a story I want to root for.
Best wishes.
See lessAn orphaned young woman discovers she’s only half human when an Alien warrior is unleashed on earth to destroy the only weapon capable of stopping the forthcoming invasion, her.
I haven't seen ?"The Big Picture" . ?But I have seen Robert Altman's "The Player" which has several funny pitching scenes where real writers do cameos in which they revamp their story lines and characters based on the feedback they're getting from the movie executive. ?All improvised dialogue, btw,Read more
I haven’t seen ?”The Big Picture” . ?But I have seen Robert Altman’s “The Player” which has several funny pitching scenes where real writers do cameos in which they revamp their story lines and characters based on the feedback they’re getting from the movie executive. ?All improvised dialogue, btw, ?based on their humiliating experiences in real pitching sessions. ?That’s show biz.
When you say different from “The Hunger Games”, it’s already different, or so it seems to me, so I don’t see what the issue is. ?(BTW, marketing aside, my other argument is that you’re story would benefit by harnessing the full potential of hero’s journey archetype instead of only part of it.)
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