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After growing up destitute, a young woman must decide between love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.
A logline is a terse statement of the plot. ?And a plot is not about the protagonist having to make a choice as a result of an inciting incident. ?Rather, a plot is about what happens after the protagonist makes?the choice.Unfortunately this logline lacks both an inciting incident and a clearly defiRead more
A logline is a terse statement of the plot. ?And a plot is not about the protagonist having to make a choice as a result of an inciting incident. ?Rather, a plot is about what happens after the protagonist makes?the choice.
Unfortunately this logline lacks both an inciting incident and a clearly defined objective goal for the protagonist.?”After growing up destitute…” is ?more back story than an incident incident. ? And “must decide…” is a dramatic predicament — ?not an objective goal.
What is the inciting incident and what becomes the young woman’s objective goal as a result?
And who or what opposes her?
See lessA horrendous tragedy befalls the Golden Boy of corporate America and his Fianc? forcing them to deal with it in two different but equally destructive ways, taking one of them to the brink of life and death.
I suggest the logline needs to be framed with more specificity. ?As it stands, it's rather vague in conveying a sense of what the story is really about.What, exactly, is the "horrendous tragedy"?As a result of the "horrendous tragedy" what becomes the protagonist's specific objective goal? ?"ForcingRead more
I suggest the logline needs to be framed with more specificity. ?As it stands, it’s rather vague in conveying a sense of what the story is really about.
What, exactly, is the “horrendous tragedy”?
As a result of the “horrendous tragedy” what becomes the protagonist’s specific objective goal? ?”Forcing them to deal…” is too vague to differentiate the story from all the other loglines where the inciting incident “forces them to deal…”
Assuming the “golden boy” is the protagonist, there is no need to mention the love interest in the logline. ?But the logline does need to specify who the antagonist is. ? Who opposes the protagonist, threatens to defeat him?
“Taking them the brink of life and death” — don’t you mean to “the brink of ?life or death”. ? In any event, how so? ?The logline presents no clear description of what the life-threatening jeopardy is to distinguish it from the all the other loglines where the stakes area a matter of life or death.
If you haven’t already done so, check out ?”Training” at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to?construct an industry standard??logline.
See lessIn a dystopic future where humanity is sterile, a disillusioned man must escort the first pregnant woman in 18 years to a safe haven.
I agree with the description of his character. ?But the movie is not about his acquiring a reason to care, a purpose to go on living. The death of "baby Diego" ?doesn't change anything for him. ?It's just another day in a hopeless hell.The inciting incident that changes his whole life occurs when hiRead more
I agree with the description of his character. ?But the movie is not about his acquiring a reason to care, a purpose to go on living. The death of “baby Diego” ?doesn’t change anything for him. ?It’s just another day in a hopeless hell.
The inciting incident that changes his whole life occurs when his ex-wife has him kidnapped and asks him to undertake the mission.
The stakes beat, the moment that offers hope for the future, occurs in the 2nd Act when the girl reveals to him that she’s pregnant.
?Now he’s got a mission and a purpose.
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