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  1. Posted: June 23, 2016In: Drama

    After the death if his daughter and best friend a SWAT sniper engages in a battle of wits and patience against a mob boss who is also his former teacher

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2016 at 9:44 am

    Please clarify: "former teacher" ?as in street-legal school teacher or his teacher-mentor in the ways of the criminal syndicate?And if the latter, ?that presents a credibility issue: SWAT team members have to pass a background check to be selected. ?How did he sneak by under the radar?Further, I belRead more

    Please clarify: “former teacher” ?as in street-legal school teacher or his teacher-mentor in the ways of the criminal syndicate?

    And if the latter, ?that presents a credibility issue: SWAT team members have to pass a background check to be selected. ?How did he sneak by under the radar?

    Further, I believe it would make for a stronger character arc if he’s a ramrod-straight, by-the-rule-book cop until the murderers force him to throw the book away, get justice in the street because he can’t get it in the courts.? IOW: He does a 180 degree flip.

    As currently written, the implied (and, imho, weaker) character arc is that he’s goes in a full circle, returns to his origins, reverts, regresses to his original state.

    I suggest that character arcs of 180 degree flips are usually more compelling than 360 circles.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 19, 2016In: Fantasy

    After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2016 at 9:03 am

    Dpough1:>And besides, there?is?an audience for stories about adults.That's not the issue. ?The issue is: what is the audience for this story, a fantasy, with a middle-aged (or older) protagonist? ? And: ?will the story and the protagonist appeal to that target audience? (No producer, no movie stuRead more

    Dpough1:

    >And besides, there?is?an audience for stories about adults.

    That’s not the issue. ?The issue is: what is the audience for this story, a fantasy, with a middle-aged (or older) protagonist? ? And: ?will the story and the protagonist appeal to that target audience? (No producer, no movie studio is going to buy a script that will require an investment of 10’s of millions of dollars to make until they get answers to those questions. ?Answers they like. )

    >>>The Dresden Files
    Cancelled after 13 episodes. ?Well, at least the writer collected??his minimum/per script. ?So there’s that.

    >>>The Libriomancer
    Comparing apples to oranges. ?Neither a feature film nor series (yet, AFAIK)

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  3. Posted: June 19, 2016In: Fantasy

    After trapping himself in an alternate universe, a Mage and his split consciousness must commune with the common realm to defeat the dark forces that threaten their existence.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2016 at 8:30 am

    FWIW: ?the aspect to your story that hooked my attention, that I think is more interesting then all the other bells and whistles, is the idea of "split consciousness". ? That intrigues me.. ?But it seems to have gotten lost in subsequent iterations.>>There?s far more to ruling the world than tRead more

    FWIW: ?the aspect to your story that hooked my attention, that I think is more interesting then all the other bells and whistles, is the idea of “split consciousness”. ? That intrigues me.. ?But it seems to have gotten lost in subsequent iterations.

    >>There?s far more to ruling the world than the title of ?world leader.?

    Yep, ?so what is a specific alternative objective goal the antagonist in this story is pursuing? ?To what use is he going to put his inter-dimensional army? ?What’s the threat, the jeopardy entailed in amassing the army that requires the wizard to respond? What’s at stake?

    And again, ?please cite 3 examples to support your claim, 3 movies where the antagonist has multiple objective goals.

    And if you believe the antagonist can have multiple objective goals, why can’t the protagonist, as well?

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