1. Posted: June 18, 2016In:

    When a simple farmer?s daughter is forced to choose the love of a German prisoner or her country?s patriotism she confronts her neighbors’ prejudices in an effort to heal a divided American town.

    dpg Singularity

    I do not think ?the prejudice needs to be revealed. ?In the deep South in the 1940's, it's there from the FADE IN; it's the warp and woof of the initial situation. ?It's the dramatic obstacle the couple must overcome.To really stir the pot on the prejudice issue, have you thought about making the faRead more

    I do not think ?the prejudice needs to be revealed. ?In the deep South in the 1940’s, it’s there from the FADE IN; it’s the warp and woof of the initial situation. ?It’s the dramatic obstacle the couple must overcome.

    To really stir the pot on the prejudice issue, have you thought about making the farm girl Black? ?Yes, ?that it would ?complicate the story line. ?But I think it would also deepen it, exponentially, imho. ?And It would certainly make the characters and their relationship more interesting.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: June 18, 2016In:

    When a simple farmer?s daughter is forced to choose the love of a German prisoner or her country?s patriotism she confronts her neighbors’ prejudices in an effort to heal a divided American town.

    dpg Singularity

    It seems to me this a natural for a dual protagonist story: ?It's in the mode of Romeo & Juliet, star-crossed lovers from feuding families, in this case two nations at war. And I think it is necessary to establish the time period and place, otherwise readers won't grasp or believe the premise. ?Read more

    It seems to me this a natural for a dual protagonist story: ?It’s in the mode of Romeo & Juliet, star-crossed lovers from feuding families, in this case two nations at war.

    And I think it is necessary to establish the time period and place, otherwise readers won’t grasp or believe the premise. ?(Is this based on — ‘inspired by’ — real events, an actual WW2 romantic complication?)

    One issue that can add depth to the story (not the logline) is that of racial segregation: ?the enemy — Nazi soldiers– were able to go into places with impunity (restaurants, bars, theaters) that Blacks didn’t dare.

    I would drop the “lesson learned”, “heal the town” aspect from the logline. ?That’s not the hook. ?Nor is it the?objective goal of the lovers. ?That would be a by-product, a bonus. ?They just want to marry and build a life together. ?(Recall from Shakespeare, that healing the breach between the feuding families ?is the friar’s objective goal in consenting to marry Romeo and Juliet.)

    And?speaking of Shakespeare, you could have the German POW kill one of her kin who gets winds of the budding affair and confronts him, forces a fight. ?(If you’re going to steal, steal from the best!)

    Or news arrives that her brother serving in France, has been killed.

    Whatever, ?I think the concept is a winner, has lots of potential. ?Good luck.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 18, 2016In:

    When his daughter commits suicide after witnessing her ex-con boyfriend shot to death, a father-before-a-cop helps Internal Affairs investigators in a sting operation to nail the dirty cops responsible.

    dpg Singularity

    I dunno. ?I ?feel the daughter's suicide may be over the top and not necessary. ?She might be more effective as a character who stays alive, as a grieving presence in his life, continually urging him to right the wrong. ?Also at the time of the murder, she could be expecting-- he's going to become aRead more

    I dunno. ?I ?feel the daughter’s suicide may be over the top and not necessary. ?She might be more effective as a character who stays alive, as a grieving presence in his life, continually urging him to right the wrong. ?Also at the time of the murder, she could be expecting– he’s going to become a grandfather for the 1st time, thanks to the ex-con. ?(And during the course of the story, he could develop a deep emotional bond to the child.)

    And if you’re going to be make him an ex-cop, then I suggest the prime perp be his ex-partner who is still a cop. ?Heighten the dramatic tension and conflict by pitting the protagonist’s loyalty to justice and to his family against loyalty to his “cop family”. ?(In police work,strong and deep bonds of friendship and loyalty often develop among cops that rival those they have with their families.)

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0