1. Posted: June 8, 2016In:

    When a prison gate is accidentally left open, a young female inmate must find a way to get to the gate and get her chance at freedom.

    DylanK Logliner

    For me the main thing missing is the ticking clock. I understand that it's implied because this is a prison and no gate would remain unlocked for long. ?But as stated above that raises it's own problems. ?Just as dpg stated, ?I ?wonder how this mistake would go unnoticed for the 70-90 minutes neededRead more

    For me the main thing missing is the ticking clock.

    I understand that it’s implied because this is a prison and no gate would remain unlocked for long. ?But as stated above that raises it’s own problems. ?Just as dpg stated, ?I ?wonder how this mistake would go unnoticed for the 70-90 minutes needed for this film?

    That said, I feel like the discovery of the unlocked gate, and the planning on the fly (as apposed to preplanning) if what will make this movie fly. ?So as a log line reader, what I want to know is, how long does she have until that gate is closed and maybe a little bit more about why she noticed it unlocked an no one else did.

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  2. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family?s casino

    DylanK Logliner

    I've taken a look at all your posted pitches. ?And as I noted before, each has a clear cool premise. ?And each lacks the conflict. ?I note this here as this one is the closest to having conflict. ?Tightwad Grandfather, doesn't want to give up his money, even to ransom his granddaughter, so she has tRead more

    I’ve taken a look at all your posted pitches. ?And as I noted before, each has a clear cool premise. ?And each lacks the conflict. ?I note this here as this one is the closest to having conflict. ?Tightwad Grandfather, doesn’t want to give up his money, even to ransom his granddaughter, so she has to convince her kidnappers to help her rob the man to get the money. ?The kidnappers aren’t going to want to do that. ?And the Grand dad isn’t going to want to get robed.

    In this instance, as with the rest, I would suggest you add in or clarify what the conflict is in the story.

    You’ve obviously put effort into these. ?And they work. ?My advice is simply to take them to the next level.

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  3. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    EDITED: Desperate to save their TV show from cancellation, two feuding co-stars, an aging actress and a troubled younger actor, enter a fabricated public romance to boost ratings

    DylanK Logliner

    I quite like this. ?It feels like a cool rom-com. ?As is, this would get my read. But if you want to make it truly excellent you'll need to introduce?conflict ?This has a solid premise. ?What it doesn't tell me is what I can expect to happen after they make the decision to fabricate a romance. ?DoesRead more

    I quite like this. ?It feels like a cool rom-com. ?As is, this would get my read.

    But if you want to make it truly excellent you’ll need to introduce?conflict ?This has a solid premise. ?What it doesn’t tell me is what I can expect to happen after they make the decision to fabricate a romance. ?Does the young actor have a lover he loses? ?Does the Aging actress? ?Do they suddenly have to spend 24hrs a day together only to find they can’t stand each other.

    I think when you take this to the industry at large you’re going to want that bit of info in there. ?Give me the hook.

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