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in order to love his wife, a man must have affairs.
I'm not really fussed that you haven't capitalised the first word in your sentence - it's not really important at this stage of your logline's development - but I am fussed that your logline is not a logline. "in order to love his wife, a man must have affairs" hardly gets my attention because, mostRead more
I’m not really fussed that you haven’t capitalised the first word in your sentence – it’s not really important at this stage of your logline’s development – but I am fussed that your logline is not a logline.
“in order to love his wife, a man must have affairs” hardly gets my attention because, most importantly, there’s nothing exceptional or unique about an adulterous man; it happens all the time and is an accepted norm of society. What makes their relationship unique? What makes his affair, and his motivation to have an affair, original?
You need to get to the heart of your story and answer the following questions:
1) who’s the protagonist?
2) what’s the protagonist’s flaw?
3) what is the protagonist’s goal?
4) who or what is stopping the protagonist from achieving that goal?
5) what will the protagonist lose if he/she fails to achieve that goal?
When you can supply solid answers to these questions, then you can fashion them into a great logline.
Good luck 😉
See lessAfter the death of her best friend, a teenage girl begins to notice and investigate strange inconsistencies in reality, attracting the attention of a dangerous organization.
"After the death of her best friend, a teenage girl must battle a dangerous organization that wants to wipe her memory when notices strange inconsistencies in reality." ...or... "When the death of her best friend causes a teenage girl to notice strange inconsistencies in reality, she must battle a sRead more
“After the death of her best friend, a teenage girl must battle a dangerous organization that wants to wipe her memory when notices strange inconsistencies in reality.”
…or…
“When the death of her best friend causes a teenage girl to notice strange inconsistencies in reality, she must battle a secret organization that seeks to wipe her memory.”
Hope these help. They’re more active than your initial version, and also give the protag a goal to achieve and reveal what she’ll lose if she fails. By showing the protag’s goal and the stakes in the logline, a reader will get a better sense of what your story is about and how it might play out on the page.
I like your concept. Think it might have legs. Best of luck 😉
See lessAfter a lifetime of putting up with her beautiful but vain twin sister, Maddy finds a way to pay her back in doses.
Richiev is correct, but I would add that the second sentence clause is far too vague; what does "pay her back in spades" actually mean? Not only is it vague, it's also a cliche. The logline should contain specific actions that reveal what your story is about and how it will play out.
Richiev is correct, but I would add that the second sentence clause is far too vague; what does “pay her back in spades” actually mean? Not only is it vague, it’s also a cliche. The logline should contain specific actions that reveal what your story is about and how it will play out.
See less