1. Posted: September 8, 2016In:

    After being abandoned by his wife, a middle aged British man relocates to Bangkok and works as a teacher; this move gives him many hilarious experiences.

    Eethan Samurai

    Hi NaiBKK, You have your inciting incident, your MC, and his main course of action. But, as Richiev asked, what is standing in his way? This is where an antagonist of some sort should come into play. Plus, consider setting a goal for your MC; if you already have it, maybe include that in your next rRead more

    Hi NaiBKK,

    You have your inciting incident, your MC, and his main course of action.

    But, as Richiev asked, what is standing in his way? This is where an antagonist of some sort should come into play.

    Plus, consider setting a goal for your MC; if you already have it, maybe include that in your next revision: His wife abandons him, so, he goes to Bangkok for a teaching position–to do/accomplish what?

    Good luck!

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  2. Posted: September 4, 2016In:

    When his wife dies giving birth to her rapist?s child, a recovering alcoholic chooses to raise the baby alone to resolve his scorn.

    Eethan Samurai

    The MC was initially a "hopeless devout Catholic"; it might've answered a possible question like 'well, why didn't they get an abortion?' . I'm on the fence about either MC as I think one or the other helps bring a unique conflict to the story. Thoughts?

    The MC was initially a “hopeless devout Catholic”; it might’ve answered a possible question like ‘well, why didn’t they get an abortion?’ . I’m on the fence about either MC as I think one or the other helps bring a unique conflict to the story. Thoughts?

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  3. Posted: August 30, 2016In:

    Keira, a warrior just shy of her sixteenth birthday, will have to survive the creatures of a world twisted by the DNA Wars, and hope her own mutation doesn’t degenerate further as she tries to reach the City of Lights where she will be free from persecution.

    Eethan Samurai

    Hi Leannf411, So, this teenage warrior (MC) must battle through various creatures (main course of action/antagonist) in order to reach the City of Lights where she'll be free from persecution (goal) before she turns into one of them herself (hook)? Continue working on shortening the logline as muchRead more

    Hi Leannf411,

    So, this teenage warrior (MC) must battle through various creatures (main course of action/antagonist) in order to reach the City of Lights where she’ll be free from persecution (goal) before she turns into one of them herself (hook)? Continue working on shortening the logline as much as possible without not saying anything at all, and cutting straight to the chase.

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