1. Posted: May 15, 2017In:

    Noise Control Beta – In a world where to perceive a forbidden noise is the highest crime, a cop whose wife starts hearing it must find its origin in the desperate attempt to save her.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    I don't understand what the crime is -- to hear something? Hearing is passive, not active. So, the person with the gift is not the protag, but rather the cop is? She has the inciting incident and then he must drive the story to resolution?

    I don’t understand what the crime is — to hear something? Hearing is passive, not active.

    So, the person with the gift is not the protag, but rather the cop is? She has the inciting incident and then he must drive the story to resolution?

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  2. Posted: May 14, 2017In:

    When a repressed, middle-aged academic meets an intense young man, she is drawn into his pagan cult, where she disassembles her emotional walls inadvertently releasing a dangerous, buried rage.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    When a repressed academic meets a pagan, she succumbs to her inner rage and must ___ before ___ happens. I suggest cutting out the irrelevant facts and slim things down while also including the main issue that your MC must deal with and if not, then the consequences.

    When a repressed academic meets a pagan, she succumbs to her inner rage and must ___ before ___ happens.

    I suggest cutting out the irrelevant facts and slim things down while also including the main issue that your MC must deal with and if not, then the consequences.

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2017In:

    Summoned to find a killer, a jaded CIA agent discovers unimaginable corruption, can?t identify the true enemy, and must find them, stop them, join them or die trying.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Without getting into your elements, you MUST proof this awfully long run on sentence into something more manageable. Then check?https://loglines.org/howto/ ?and follow the advice there.

    Without getting into your elements, you MUST proof this awfully long run on sentence into something more manageable.

    Then check?https://loglines.org/howto/ ?and follow the advice there.

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