1. Posted: October 29, 2017In:

    After having her father killed, a farm girl must endure a journey with a tough US marshall to get her revenge.

    Best Answer
    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    I think simpler is sweeter with this one: A teenage farm girl hires a drunk Marshal to track down her father's murderer in dangerous Indian territory. It flows better and reads leaner.

    I think simpler is sweeter with this one:

    A teenage farm girl hires a drunk Marshal to track down her father’s murderer in dangerous Indian territory.

    It flows better and reads leaner.

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  2. Posted: October 28, 2017In:

    After a curse warning, a defiant Napoleon fires cannon blasting the nose off Sphinx of Giza: realizing his troop are dying strangely one by one, he battles to unravel the curse of its invisible revenging guardian demon

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Agreed with the issues everyone is having. Where is this story heading for the MC?

    Agreed with the issues everyone is having. Where is this story heading for the MC?

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  3. Posted: October 28, 2017In:

    While investigating the darker parts of his corrupt city, a teenaged aristocrat is beguiled and betrayed by a brilliant young drug lord with a troubled past.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Hard to imagine why a noble teenager would be concerned with the underlings of his city enough to investigate and get close to a drug lord. As already indicated, what's the goal for the teenager? To get away from the drug dealer, or stop him completely?

    Hard to imagine why a noble teenager would be concerned with the underlings of his city enough to investigate and get close to a drug lord.

    As already indicated, what’s the goal for the teenager? To get away from the drug dealer, or stop him completely?

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